truffula tree garden. no trees were harmed in the making of this garden. well. sort of.

it's seuss week here. and so far, we've had green eggs and ham for breakfast. we've made green eggs and bacon candies. we've made up silly rhymes (whilst avoiding words like chuck and... chuck). and we've made gardens. truffula tree gardens.

they're pretty simple. i'm sure you can figure out what i've done. but i'm going to give you the play-by-play anyway. mainly so i can log down my actions. and read them back in captain jean-luc picard's voice. and because i'm tired and if i'm sitting in front of the computer typing, it looks like i'm working. when really. i'm just mentally laying on the beach in figi. probably face down drowning in the sand. but still.

but wait. before i go over the umpteen steps to making a truffula tree garden, i want to touch base on a couple of things. like this: i'm rarely here anymore. it's okay, though. right? i mean. i believe our friendship is so strong, it can withstand my absence. not to be confused with abscess - which i almost typed out. dude. also. it would seem that i actually don't have anymore things to go over. so. on to the tutorial.

step one. gather your supplies. to make a truffula garden, you will need:

• mini (party size) play doh. complete with dough inside.
  
• a 1 inch strip of paper to cover the dough container.
• 3 popsicle sticks.
  
• 3 glitter poms.
• multi-color yarn.
• glue.
• scissors.

step two. cover your play doh container: take the lid off. put some glue on the outside of the container. put your paper over it. the best part of this step is the little lip on the top of the container. it catches your paper and helps you hold it.

step three. wrap yarn around the popsicle stick: add glue to the stick. start at one end and begin wrapping the yarn around the stick until you get to the other end. the best part of this step is the extra glue that you get to peel off of your fingers. i always pretend i'm a spy taking off my fake fingerprints when i do that.

step four. cut a glitter pom about 1/4 of the way in towards the middle: remember in my title. where it said no trees were harmed in the making of this garden? and then i added a "well. sort of."? this isn't that part yet. wait for it.

step five. add the pom to the stick: and here's the "sort of." because you've got to shove that stick all the way up into the pom. but first. you have to add glue to the stick. ouch.

step six. plant your garden: place your finished truffula tree in the play doh. and repeat the steps until you have three trees in your garden. why three? because i was once told landscaping worked best with odd numbers. and also because i thought each one of my personalities deserved a tree.

and voila. there you have it. i hope you enjoyed the post. and i hope your garden grows with only sunshine and love. and i also hope you can forgive me for the graphic picture in step five.

today we're getting sauced and promoting bladder wellness. all at the same time. <--- that's how rockin' homeschool moms do it.

it's muffin tin monday. li'l tot asked me why we haven't participated in a while. and my answer was *makes mental note to participate the week after*. one month later, here we are.

so this week, we're "rowing" cranberry thanksgiving (by wende and harry devlin). and i thought it'd be perfect to turn the girls' snacks into a celebration of cranberries. mayhaps i got carried away. but no. no no. i don't think i did. carried away would be: me dancing in circles with my arms outspread singing "zombie" along with the cranberries. which i did not do. i did it to "dreams", instead.

today, my girls had oatmeal cranberry cookies. craisins. jellied cranberry sauce wedges. cool whip topped with frozen cranberries. a bacon sandwich on cranberry swirl bread. and cran-grape juice.

the girls ate all the cool whip. and bacon. they also finished their juice. the rest was toyed with. it made me a little sad that they weren't impressed with jellied cranberry sauce. but then i ate their jellied wedges and i wasn't sad anymore.

on a side note. this past weekend, we went to epcot to visit "china" for our "row" on the story about ping (by marjorie flack) and guess what. ocean spray delivered an amazing cranberry bog exhibition! it included the raker harvester man in waders fellow! they even handed out packets of craisins. how awesome is that. totally awesome. that's how. talk about perfect timing! i was quite impressed. and i wasn't even drunk. unlike the lady who was behind me rolling her r's furiously and screaming "margarrrreeeetahs!" <--- it's not an epcot story unless i mention a drunk or ten. or twenty if the food and wine festival is going on.

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

we have annual passes to disney. and well frankly, public school was putting a damper on that.

last wednesday, i withdrew li'l tot from first grade. my intent is to homeschool for the rest of the school year. yada yada yada. i rarely feel the need to explain myself.

i've pretty much gone through every emotion there is in the past four days. at this point, i'm committed to the decision that was made. and hopefully by the end of the school year, i will not be *committed* to the local mental health facility. but should that be the case, just know that i won't be dragged away in a long skirted denim jumper. it'll be corduroy. with matching hand-embroidered rhinestone vest.

i wrote this all by myself. but i didn't understand it until i used the translator.

"we are pleased to inform you that your child will receive instructions in the district's esol program."

that was the second line in a letter i received from li'l tot's school today. and it frustrated me. i mean. last year, i received something similar. but after speaking to the teacher, i was assured it was just a formality. and so i laughed it off.

well guess what. i was sick all weekend and laughs are somewhat of a rarity around here. mainly because when i laugh, i cough. and when i cough, dark green globs come out of my throat. and there's a gurgling noise. you're welcome for that image.

this all started when i answered one of those routine questionnaires sent home from school. i marked down english as a first language. and then i also checked "other languages spoken at home". well apparently, when you do this, you're flagged and enrolled in esol (english for speakers of other languages).

i called and spoke to the esol designee who signed the letter. and pretty much yelled the whole time. of course, my voice is hoarse so she probably thought it was my normal sultry voice. in any case, she told me not to worry. thrice. don't worry. we won't take her out of class. she goes to school just like normal. well then why is she in esol? (see above paragraph.) don't worry. we will only see her at the end of the year when she is tested. don't worry. she'll do perfect!

and that's when it dawned on me. and out of my mouth came words that were never truer spoken. <--- that whole line sounded good in my head. i asked ms. designee a simple question. does the school receive funding from my child being in esol? let's take a moment of silence. because she did. yes.

so in order for my child to not be automatically enrolled in esol, i am supposed to refrain from marking "other languages spoken at home". i'm supposed to lie. don't worry. jesus will forgive me. except. he's forgiven enough of me already. and i don't feel like letting the school use my child as an esol prodigy. especially since she's going to pass the test with flying colors. how can she not? english is her first language! she can recite all the words to tangled's "mother knows best". so obvi, she's going to be able to say: hello. my name is (li'l tot) and i am six years old. may i use your restroom? the cafeteria has shiny floors. thank you and come again.

let me break something down for you. li'l tot suffered through a semester of vietnamese classes last year. she didn't know anyone. she didn't understand anything. she had zero friends. and i sat outside the room in the same predicament. but she finished. the point of this little paragraph? when my own people gathered around to figure out who i was, i was called an "american" - as if it were something to be ashamed of.

and today. my american self feels like it's been slammed back into 1975.

where do i belong? idk. but where ever it is, my children belong somewhere better. esol is great for those who need it. but for those who don't, it's a stigma. it's insulting to tell me my child is in an esol program because another language is spoken at home. she should be praised for her diversity. not pushed into a program that benefits her in zero ways.

why give a man arm floaties when he can swim? because he has a pool. and because the arm floaties are slathered with sponsorship patches. well somebody check the chlorine level 'cause i'm about to punch some holes in these floaties. and maybe squirt a little spf 50 in some eyes while i'm at it.

i can improvise like a mother. and i announce the winner to my giveaway. and i make one (maybe) last plea for votes.

it's muffin tin monday. i know this because i when i told the girls it was time for lunch, li'l tot screamed out something like. yay! it's muffin tin monday! i love muffin tin monday! and then baby screamed out something like. yay! grrrrrrr! tin! to which my reply was:

*scoops food off plate and into muffin cups.* (and maybe i used my hands.)

today, my girls had macaroni and cheese. and sliced all beef hot dogs. and blueberries with cool whip. also. by not abbreviating it "mac 'n cheese", i made the dish sound more sophisticated.

i would have liked to serve my girls something more... organic. but alas. i don't have a whole foods or fresh market here. <--- not that i can't go to other local grocers. i'm just throwing that in as an "i want one of those markets" complaint. so the best they're gonna get today is:

i washed my hands before scooping. (fine. definitely i used my hands.)

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

ps. thank you to everyone who entered my giveaway. and congrats to sara for winning the strawberry recipe book! yay! watch your email for my exciting letter! but don't watch it like i watch the twitter.

pps. have you voted for my girls? <--- probably you're getting tired of my begging. unless you haven't kept up with me. in which case, hi! please vote for my girls. they're fighting for third place in the "cutest gogo squeezer contest". to vote for them, you have to "LIKE" the gogo squeez page on facebook. then, you have to "LIKE" photo #23. then you have to tell all your friends to vote. or you can just do the first two steps. i like you. thanks!