today we're getting sauced and promoting bladder wellness. all at the same time. <--- that's how rockin' homeschool moms do it.

it's muffin tin monday. li'l tot asked me why we haven't participated in a while. and my answer was *makes mental note to participate the week after*. one month later, here we are.

so this week, we're "rowing" cranberry thanksgiving (by wende and harry devlin). and i thought it'd be perfect to turn the girls' snacks into a celebration of cranberries. mayhaps i got carried away. but no. no no. i don't think i did. carried away would be: me dancing in circles with my arms outspread singing "zombie" along with the cranberries. which i did not do. i did it to "dreams", instead.

today, my girls had oatmeal cranberry cookies. craisins. jellied cranberry sauce wedges. cool whip topped with frozen cranberries. a bacon sandwich on cranberry swirl bread. and cran-grape juice.

the girls ate all the cool whip. and bacon. they also finished their juice. the rest was toyed with. it made me a little sad that they weren't impressed with jellied cranberry sauce. but then i ate their jellied wedges and i wasn't sad anymore.

on a side note. this past weekend, we went to epcot to visit "china" for our "row" on the story about ping (by marjorie flack) and guess what. ocean spray delivered an amazing cranberry bog exhibition! it included the raker harvester man in waders fellow! they even handed out packets of craisins. how awesome is that. totally awesome. that's how. talk about perfect timing! i was quite impressed. and i wasn't even drunk. unlike the lady who was behind me rolling her r's furiously and screaming "margarrrreeeetahs!" <--- it's not an epcot story unless i mention a drunk or ten. or twenty if the food and wine festival is going on.

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

we have annual passes to disney. and well frankly, public school was putting a damper on that.

last wednesday, i withdrew li'l tot from first grade. my intent is to homeschool for the rest of the school year. yada yada yada. i rarely feel the need to explain myself.

i've pretty much gone through every emotion there is in the past four days. at this point, i'm committed to the decision that was made. and hopefully by the end of the school year, i will not be *committed* to the local mental health facility. but should that be the case, just know that i won't be dragged away in a long skirted denim jumper. it'll be corduroy. with matching hand-embroidered rhinestone vest.

i wrote this all by myself. but i didn't understand it until i used the translator.

"we are pleased to inform you that your child will receive instructions in the district's esol program."

that was the second line in a letter i received from li'l tot's school today. and it frustrated me. i mean. last year, i received something similar. but after speaking to the teacher, i was assured it was just a formality. and so i laughed it off.

well guess what. i was sick all weekend and laughs are somewhat of a rarity around here. mainly because when i laugh, i cough. and when i cough, dark green globs come out of my throat. and there's a gurgling noise. you're welcome for that image.

this all started when i answered one of those routine questionnaires sent home from school. i marked down english as a first language. and then i also checked "other languages spoken at home". well apparently, when you do this, you're flagged and enrolled in esol (english for speakers of other languages).

i called and spoke to the esol designee who signed the letter. and pretty much yelled the whole time. of course, my voice is hoarse so she probably thought it was my normal sultry voice. in any case, she told me not to worry. thrice. don't worry. we won't take her out of class. she goes to school just like normal. well then why is she in esol? (see above paragraph.) don't worry. we will only see her at the end of the year when she is tested. don't worry. she'll do perfect!

and that's when it dawned on me. and out of my mouth came words that were never truer spoken. <--- that whole line sounded good in my head. i asked ms. designee a simple question. does the school receive funding from my child being in esol? let's take a moment of silence. because she did. yes.

so in order for my child to not be automatically enrolled in esol, i am supposed to refrain from marking "other languages spoken at home". i'm supposed to lie. don't worry. jesus will forgive me. except. he's forgiven enough of me already. and i don't feel like letting the school use my child as an esol prodigy. especially since she's going to pass the test with flying colors. how can she not? english is her first language! she can recite all the words to tangled's "mother knows best". so obvi, she's going to be able to say: hello. my name is (li'l tot) and i am six years old. may i use your restroom? the cafeteria has shiny floors. thank you and come again.

let me break something down for you. li'l tot suffered through a semester of vietnamese classes last year. she didn't know anyone. she didn't understand anything. she had zero friends. and i sat outside the room in the same predicament. but she finished. the point of this little paragraph? when my own people gathered around to figure out who i was, i was called an "american" - as if it were something to be ashamed of.

and today. my american self feels like it's been slammed back into 1975.

where do i belong? idk. but where ever it is, my children belong somewhere better. esol is great for those who need it. but for those who don't, it's a stigma. it's insulting to tell me my child is in an esol program because another language is spoken at home. she should be praised for her diversity. not pushed into a program that benefits her in zero ways.

why give a man arm floaties when he can swim? because he has a pool. and because the arm floaties are slathered with sponsorship patches. well somebody check the chlorine level 'cause i'm about to punch some holes in these floaties. and maybe squirt a little spf 50 in some eyes while i'm at it.

i can improvise like a mother. and i announce the winner to my giveaway. and i make one (maybe) last plea for votes.

it's muffin tin monday. i know this because i when i told the girls it was time for lunch, li'l tot screamed out something like. yay! it's muffin tin monday! i love muffin tin monday! and then baby screamed out something like. yay! grrrrrrr! tin! to which my reply was:

*scoops food off plate and into muffin cups.* (and maybe i used my hands.)

today, my girls had macaroni and cheese. and sliced all beef hot dogs. and blueberries with cool whip. also. by not abbreviating it "mac 'n cheese", i made the dish sound more sophisticated.

i would have liked to serve my girls something more... organic. but alas. i don't have a whole foods or fresh market here. <--- not that i can't go to other local grocers. i'm just throwing that in as an "i want one of those markets" complaint. so the best they're gonna get today is:

i washed my hands before scooping. (fine. definitely i used my hands.)

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

ps. thank you to everyone who entered my giveaway. and congrats to sara for winning the strawberry recipe book! yay! watch your email for my exciting letter! but don't watch it like i watch the twitter.

pps. have you voted for my girls? <--- probably you're getting tired of my begging. unless you haven't kept up with me. in which case, hi! please vote for my girls. they're fighting for third place in the "cutest gogo squeezer contest". to vote for them, you have to "LIKE" the gogo squeez page on facebook. then, you have to "LIKE" photo #23. then you have to tell all your friends to vote. or you can just do the first two steps. i like you. thanks!

i took a simple trip to kentucky. i was so mad at the po-po for taking the best parking spots.

i recently visited my good friend kimmy kim kim. we got to hang out for a whole weekend. there was shopping and hand sanitizing and other stuff. i'm going to split my kentucky experience into a series of blog posts. i'll do this because it will give me, well... blog posts. plus. with the trending decline of soap operas, i know you all need something to keep you going.

on a certain day, kim and i were driving around and i spotted a garage sale sign. now. i'm pretty much a professional garage sale shopper. there should be cameras following me around for that reason alone. or for any reason, really.

i can spot signs a mile away. kim, however, cannot. her fresh eyes are not trained to immediately locate the flopping florescent orange poster board flimsily taped to street signs. it could be because she refuses to turn on the light when she cooks. but probably it's because the signs blend so naturally into their surroundings.

our conversations during this time went something like this.

me: kim! garage sale!
kim: where! ack! what!
me: there! the sign!
kim: where! ack! what!
me: kim! turn now!
kim: where! ack! what!
me: here! turn! turn!
kim: where! ack! what!

and like this.

kim: where are we?
me: i know where we are. don't worry. *lost as a kidney stone down the toilet.*
kim: how do we get back home?
me: i know where we are. don't worry. *out the car door and to the garage sale.*

and like this.

me: did you touch anything?
kim: no.
me: doesn't matter. germ-x and wipe.
kim: *sobs quietly.*

good times, my friends. good times. also. the first garage sale we went to set the tone for the rest of the day. as kim turned down the street she was like. which house is it? and i was like. well, duh. it's the house with all the cars in front of it.

all the cars would be about four cars. plus an emt truck. plus two police cars. plus one beat up sports car and a man who was grabbing the back of his head (and eyeing the garage sale). i was like. dude. that's what got you in trouble in the first place.

kim was very cautious driving past the commotion. all the while, i was yelling at her to hurry up and park already. and finally when she did, i walked up to the lady hosting the sale. and i was like. wow. garage sales sure do get wild around these parts. and she was like. yeah.

also. one of the paramedics left the scene of the accident to garage sale. no joke. he kept turning around. either (a) he was buying a gift for his partner and it was a surprise. or (b) he was debating whether or not to ask his partner for a quarter. but i'm gonna go with (c) what the heck are you doing! can't you see a man's been hurt! you're on the job, man! you can't just leave the scene of *your* accident!

anyway. i don't blame him. i'd probably do the same thing.

come back soon. you'll want to hear more about my adventures in lexington. here's a teaser for you: kimmy was like. they're really nice here. but they treat you differently. it makes me feel important just standing next to you.

ps. did you enter my giveaway? i promise there is one. and it's an easy one at that! you just have to scroll down past my pathetic (but totally needed) begging.