i'd like a michael vartan cardboard cut out. here. take these ponytail holders.

li'l tot is adorable with pigtails. baby doesn't have enough hair yet. and me. well. ponytails hide my split ends and gray hairs just right.

i'm giving away these ponytail holders (five sets) on kimmy kim kim's blog. you can go there and enter to win. or. if you can get michael vartan to come caroling at my door, i'll just make you your own set (of like 500).

also. i'm the only one allowed to call her kimmy kim kim. and. michael vartan must really be michael vartan (and not a cardboard cutout) when he comes by to sing. wait. actually. i'll take the cardboard cutout - since i can't find one anywhere. oh yes. i've looked.

kearsie doesn't actually sound like a tomato. i always want to put an "e" after tomato.

that's me. and my friend kearsie. we're not smiling in the picture. you can't tell. so that's why i'm letting you know. i think she was like "hey" *clicks camera* "smile!" and more than likely i was like "there's your one picture of us. cherish it. ain't gonna be another."

yeah. i don't really like to have my picture taken. i have the chandler bing disease. mixed in with the forrest gump disease. you know. i can't smile right for the camera. i tend to look like someone's goosing me. or. my eyes are shut and my mouth is open. so this upcoming year, i'd like to learn how to smile pretty.

so anyway. back to kearsie. we have this joke. it goes something like. "look. it's a deviled egg dish". hahhahahahaah! oh man. that's hilarious. you don't think it's funny. but that's because you haven't heard the rest. wait for it. and the punch line is... "fancy". didn't i tell you? hilarious! this upcoming year, i'd like to learn better jokes.

wow. this is turning into a really long post. but stick with me here. it's almost done. i'm wrapping it up. just like kearsie's birthday present. i'm wrapping that up, too. and it'll ship after thanksgiving. even though today is her birthday. for this upcoming year, i'd like to learn how to organize and send gifts on time. i tell people i like to send gifts late on purpose for the whole "surprise factor". but really. i'd rather be early.

happy birthday, kearsie. you're my favorite. don't tell the others. jealousy ain't pretty.

this post was suggested by kearsie in response to my "you name it" post (see comment eight). you can still enter and play. but hurry. this offer expires never. and thanks, kearsie. thanks for being my friend. thanks for being so cool. and thanks for being fancy. hahahhaha! hilarious. nay, chicken hilarious. also. my post about you ended up looking like a new year's resolution post.

sunday snippets

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it. (a new moon special edition.)
---

lesliefriend: look what i'm drinking.
me: *looks.*
lesliefriend: *points to edward cullen.*
---

carriemfriend: i need to potty.
me: me too.
carriemfriend: we'll go in shifts. that's what we'll do.
---

me: like. i'm afraid the theater will catch fire and we'll be trapped.
lesliefriend: oh me, too! see. i didn't get an epidural because i was afraid the hospital would catch on fire and i wouldn't be able to feel my legs.
---

carriemfriend: i don't cheer. i don't pick teams
carrieffriend: i like edward. but i like jacob better. he's cuter and better for bella.
lesliefriend: but she doesn't have the passion for him.
---

movie: *jacob scene.*
carrieffriend: *smiles really really really big.*
---

photographerlady: hi! can i take your picture for (the newspaper website blog)?
carrieffriend and me: uh, yeah!
---

the end. have a great week!

men dolls - 1:11:new moon (special episode)

edward cullen doll and michael vartan doll. one sparkles. the other is awesome. follow them as they discover the truth about each other. watch as they prove to the world - they're not just action figures. they're men dolls.

men dolls. season 1, episode 11 (special episode). "new moon". safe! michael vartan doll and edward cullen doll are saved from their near drowning experience by a shirtless man boy, who mysteriously disappears into the woods shortly after. to celebrate, ecd attains tickets to the midnight showing of "new moon". mvd wonders if their landlord will allow pets. namely, a wolf puppy. ecd is hurt and finds comfort in a simba (the lion king) shaped popcorn.

sunday snippets

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.
---

me: (li'l tot), do you want to say blessing?
li'l tot: daddy?
daddy: ok. dear god. in jesus' name amen.
---

li'l tot: mommy, what's carbs?
me: daddy will explain that.
li'l tot: daddy, what's carbs?
daddy: what's carbs? carbohydrates can be a complex sugar.
li'l tot: my arm hurts.
---

the end. have a great week!

multitasking is a big word. i'm exausted.

that's a big word. with big responsibility. and here. in this post. i shall attempt it. so prepare yourself for my multitasking maneuverability. it'll all come together in the end. like a good "murder she wrote" episode.

there's this girl lola. i call her jessica. yeah. we're that tight. sometimes she misspells things. hey. i don't judge. mainly because she's totally awesome. and way way way funny. and also. she stalks me. so i'm not about to say anything bad about her. in fact. i'm going to compose a poem about her.

when you standin' in the street
and peoples say ho-la.
then you know who comin' round the block
it's gotta be lo-la.
she alway sippin' on some rum
mixed in wit co-la.
man i tell you dat girl
she got alotta soul-a...
for a vegetarian. word.

see the picture? it's only my most favorite ever. from lola's shop. i'm going to pick that necklace when i win her giveaway. dude. she's giving away a $100 gift certificate to her shop. you can enter, too. but she's already told me that i'm going to win. so. whatever.

lola is also giving away a "harry hairy harey sweet cheeks" plush. made by madebylaura. also. that's not its real name. but don't worry about that. because i'm going to win the plushie, too.

this post was partly suggested by lola in response to my "you name it" post (see comments three and ten). you can still enter and play. but hurry. this offer expires never. this post was also partly required by lola in order to receive ten entries into her giveaway.

so let me recap this for you. write about lola's "you name it" suggestion. check. say something nice about lola. check. write a poem. check. do not mention the plush's real name. check. link to lola's blog and lola's shop. check check. link to madebylaura's shop. bonus check. put it all together in one post. check. me. out. because. i. am. hot.

thanks, lola. thanks for this post. it's only one of my longest posts ever. and i got a finger cramp typing it all out. but it'll all be worth it when you pick my name "randomly" to win.

also. i was just joking about lola rigging her giveaway for me to win. sheesh. ease up on the coffee. and if you happen to go over to lola's blog and enter her giveaway, make sure you tell her i sent you. i get nothing for referring you. nothing but respect.

giveaway winner 13

a winner! a winner! we have a winner for my 13th giveaway! and on friday the 13th, too! well. i mean. it's not friday the 13th anymore. but it was. like 23 minutes ago.

congrats to donidodesigns! i wish i knew your real name. maybe i'll call you don. or deedee. either way. you win! i'll be giving your info over to theresa of theresaj on etsy. you two have a lot to discuss. like. earring color choice and mailing address and how much you both want my autograph but i'm just way too elusive, etc.

if you played and didn't win, don't worry. i'll have more giveaways. and i'll bet you win one of those. yay!

and thanks, theresa. you are amazing. also. throughout this entire giveaway, i sang vanilla ice's "ice ice baby" about 500 times. zydeco to that.

my hubby is always trying to play doctor with me.

hello? *tap tap tap*. can you hear me? you are so hot in those washed up green scrubs. love the cinch tie at the waist. rawr. *tap tap tap*.

man. i love a good stethoscope dialogue. but please. unless you are a professional stethoscope whisperer, do not attempt the above conversation into your doctor's stethoscope diaphragm. it'll hurt his ears. both literally and figuratively. and definitely don't ask him to write you a prescription for ditropan xl. especially if he's hot.

also. k-y jelly in the stethoscope headset as a practical joke is not a good idea. true story. however, k-y jelly when used in conjunction with a stethoscope can prove to be quite entertaining. is not a toy and should only be used according to package instructions.

this post was suggested by vanessa in response to my "you name it" post (see comment six). you can still enter and play. but hurry. this offer expires never. and thanks, vanessa. i guess it's a good thing you were abby scuito for halloween (instead of your original plans to be a nurse). lending you a white coat was probably more kosher than lending you my stethoscope.

sunday snippets

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

---

li'l tot: (baby), let's try this again. oh man. your head is getting so big.

---

hubby: i could've played you both. i could've had two sets of families.
me: *glares at hubby.*
hubby: could you get me a drink?
me: *glares at hubby.*
hubby: fine. i'll take both hands off the wheel so i can have a drink.

---

li'l tot: i'm sooo thirsty from all that dancing.

---

the end. have a great week!

billy ray will always be remembered for his mullet. just like kanye will always be remembered for his idk. i don't really know kanye.

me: have i ever eaten a mullet?
hubby: the fish?
me: um. obviously.
hubby: then yes.

i think that's about all that needs to be said. oh except one more thing. if you're going to google "mullet" as in the fish, be sure to search "mullet fish". that was mistake number one. mistake number two was clicking on "image results".

this post was suggested by sara in response to my "you name it" post (see comment seven). you can still enter and play. but hurry. this offer expires never. and thanks, sara. i'm sure you actually wanted a mullet hair post. but you got the fish instead. it's called intervention. also. it's your turn to go on scrabble.

giveaway 13 - closed

so i'm trying to write this post. this actual post that you're reading. and all i can hear in my head is that cotton commercial song. you know. it goes "the touch. the feel. of cotton. the fabric of our lives." it's such a calming jingle. good times.

aaaand. "party in the usa" just kicked in. not as calming. and not as good. but still. i'm noddin' my head like yeah. also. i'm hosting another giveaway. like yeah.

up for your winning pleasure is a gorgeous pair of earrings provided to you by my zydeco dancing maniac friend theresa of theresaj. if you are chosen as the winner of this giveaway, you will have your choice of one of the four earring pairs pictured.

(pictured earrings are clear green with serpentine center, pistachio berry with garnet center, clear with aurora borealis finish with lepidolite center, and berry with garnet center. the flowers are czech glass. and all metal components are sterling silver.)

to be entered in this giveaway, all you have to do is:

1. visit theresaj on etsy. then. come back here and leave a comment telling me what your favorite item is. this is the only mandatory step. and it gives you one entry.
2. if you twitter about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the twittered link. your tweet should link back to this giveaway post. and it should also include my twitter username "@wendiwinn". once the tweet is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once per day.
   
3. if you blog about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the blog link. your blog post should link back to this giveaway post. once the post is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once per day.
4. if you purchase something from theresaj during the length of the giveaway, leave a separate comment. once the purchase is verified, you'll have ten more entries. (no. i will not retroactivate past purchases. dude. i know. i'm tough.) this step is also optional.
5. leave a safe way for me to contact you. if i can't contact you, you can't win.

so go ahead and play. win something ga-ga-gorgeous from theresaj and on friday, november 13, 2009 at 11:03pm est, i will use the random number generator to select the winner. giveaway winner must reply to my contact within two days. otherwise, i will visit the random number generator again.

and now for the fine print. it's more small print than fine. contest starts as soon as this is posted. it ends at 11:02pm on friday, november 13, 2009 est. one entry per person per shop site visit - unless you participate in the optional additional steps. in that case, you'll get more entries. purchases must be verified. if i cannot verify your purchase, i press that trashcan icon where your purchase claim comment is. dude, i told you i was tough. if you do not follow the rules, i may still publish your comment. it just won't count as an entry. yes, the toughness continues. chances of winning depend on the number of entries. raise your chances of winning by not telling anyone. lower your chances by telling everyone you know. this contest is open to you - whether i know you or not. this is my 13th giveaway. if i have a positive response, i'll have more giveaways to bring you back. if i don't have a positive response, i'll still have more giveaways to bring you back. by entering this giveaway, you agree to abide by the rules i've stated or not stated. and i can change the rules whenever i please. it's a woman's prerogative. this is not a review. it's just a giveaway. i didn't receive anything in return for hosting this giveaway. but i could if you wanted to share your winnings. word. and please note. i cannot get "party in the usa" out of my head. that miley cyrus is a strong drug. i often put my head in the oven. whilst screaming "help me"! and even so, i'm movin' my hips like yeah. and i wonder if you can zydeco dance to "party in the usa".

is it because of the dog tinkle?

fifteen mushrooms sprouted up in my backyard. overnight. so obviously, i drop-kicked them. all except for one.

isn't it pretty? it looks like a flower. also. there's a dead ant on it.

and that concludes my lesson on the delicate balance of nature.

giveaway winner 12

a winner! a winner! we have a winner for my 12th giveaway!

congrats to karin e.! i wonder if she'll pick a silhouette of me.

if you played and didn't win, don't worry. i'll have more giveaways. and i'll bet you win one of those. yay!

sunday snippets

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

---

me: whatchu doin', baby? that's mommy's purse.
baby: ooooohhhhhhhh.

---

li'l tot: why did the hippo cross the playground?
me: why?
li'l tot: to get to the other slide.
me: wow. that's funny.
li'l tot: why did the chicken cross the playground?
me: why?
li'l tot: to get to the other hippo.
me: wow. that's funny.
li'l tot: why did the elephant cross the playground?
me: why?
li'l tot: to get to the other joke! ha ha ha ha!
me: wow. that's funny. she has my sense of humor.
hubby: obviously.
---

davefriend: you flush it?
hubby: yeah.
davefriend: so you do it with a hose?
---

newphew j: who's pregnant? and isn't it against the law to have like 3000 kids?
---

the end. have a great week!