how to make a layered fondant cake for the first time. this is not a real tutorial. but it could be if you used your imagination.

i've never made a layered cake before. nor have i worked with fondant. and last night, my hubby had a late meeting. expected arrival time home - 10:00pm. so obviously, last night seemed the perfect opportunity to tackle my baking urges. and i did just that. in between my girls' crying and screaming, i made a cake. also. i cried and screamed a little bit, too. it just seemed appropriate at the time.

what follows next is an account of my experience. written in tutorial formation. feel free to use it as a rough guide. also. that's what he said.

step one. gather your stuff. seeing's how i didn't have the right tools for cake baking or fondant rolling, i went out and purchased a couple items. add in my ocd and... voila. almost everything is the same brand. and/or color coordinated.

what you see here is:
- 20in fondant rolling pin (with rings.)
- roll and cut mat
- 13in angled spatula
- fondant smoother
- cake leveler
- pack of 10in cake circles
- 5lb package of rolled fondant

what you don't see in the picture is:
- two 9in cake pans
- boxed cake mix (follow directions on box. or wing it. whatever. i'm not your momma.)
- stuff to make buttercream icing (see actual recipe below.)
- food coloring
- cookie cutters
- paint brush

do you need all this stuff? psh. i have no idea. but i used it all. well. all except the cake leveler. that thing did not want to work for me. so i used my 8in calphalon bread knife instead. the ability to improvise is what makes me so awesome. also. i'm aware that a bread knife is what people usually use. but just let me soak in the moment.

step two. make your cakes.

step three. select a cake for your lower level. this cake should be the strongest. because it has to hold so much weight. usually, the strongest cake is either cake. because they're both the same. level out your lower cake. eat the crumbs.

step four. make your icing. i like buttercream icing.

the recipe i use is:
- 1 pkg (16oz) powdered sugar
- 1/2 c (1 stick) softened butter
- 3 tbs milk
- 2 tsp vanilla extract

combine all items and mix well. i usually add in a little extra vanilla. like. a gallon. that stuff is good. it burns going down. but only if you drink it straight. i don't recommend you do that. unless you're me.

step five. ice your cake in between and all over. i covered my cake circle with foil. and then added a dollop of icing in the middle before placing my lower level cake on it. that prevented the cake from moving. don't use mod podge. or any glue. let's just say (for argument's sake) that glue is inedible.

step six. sprinkle your mat with powdered sugar. resist the urge to pile the sugar into evenly split lines.

step seven. measure your cake to determine the amount of fondant needed. there is no picture for this step. so stop refreshing. measure the height. double it. add that number to the top diameter of the cake. then. add two. that gives you the diameter needed for your rolled fondant. knead your fondant well. then roll out your fondant, lifting it as you roll. (my cake was 3in high. diameter was 9in. add 2in. total is 17in. so, i rolled my fondant out to a diameter of 17in - with about 1/4" thickness.)

your arms will ache. and you'll start to doubt the whole process. but that will pass once you get the fondant rolled out. and. the next time you wear a strapless dress, your arms will thank you. that statement does not apply to men.

step eight. lift the fondant with the rolling pin and in one quick graceful move, plop it on to the cake. smooth it out using the (i bet you can't guess it) fondant smoother. if you have any air bubbles, you can take a pin and at an angled position, poke them out.

step nine. trim the excess fondant at the bottom of the cake. i used my handy dandy chicago cutlery partoku knife. also. this part was not easy. nor was it pretty.

step ten. prepare your decorative fondant. grab some excess fondant and add some coloring. knead it well. i suggest using gloves. and lots of powdered sugar. then roll it out.

step eleven. cut out your fondant shapes.

step twelve. decorate your cake. brush a light coat of water onto the back of your fondant shapes and adhere them to your cake. use some sort of system to do this. mainly because the whole "being random" thing doesn't always work. i'm browning ground beef for my spaghetti sauce as i write this post. see?

step thirteen. do something about the crooked bottom. roll a line of fondant and adhere it to the bottom of the cake to cover up the ugly. or use icing. or flowers. or anything. because the jagged bottom edges just keep mocking you. taking another swig of vanilla extract at this point is acceptable.

step fourteen. step back and admire your cake. remember to take lots of pictures because if this is your first layered fondant cake (like it was mine), it might just very well be your last, too.

and that's it. pretty simple, huh? thanks for reading my "just enough information to get you through it (maybe)" semi-tutorial post.

ps. special thanks to my friends kimmy kim kim and tristan for their tips, support and encouragement through this process. you both make excellent assistants. to the manager.