sunday snippets.

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

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me: on your way home, can you stop by and get five mcribs for dinner? i'm gonna eat two.
hubby: uh. are there any leftovers at home?

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katyefriend: and please lord, help this waiter to do a good job so he won't get fired.

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the end. have a great week!

i don't play games. unless i'm sure to win. the garage sale chronicles.

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: holding is only a penalty in football.

there's a rule when it comes to garage sale shopping. if someone is holding something, it's theirs. if they put it down, it's anybody's game. like this scattergories. that's right. sometimes rules can be literal.

so there was a table of board games at this one garage sale. and i immediately saw the red box. now, i've been wanting scattergories for some time. i'm just not willing to pay the $25 average price. so i walked over to the table. as did another lady.

but rules are rules. not knowing the condition of the game, or whether i was going to buy it, i picked it up and held it. just in case. i did see her peeking up at me every now and then while she was sifting through the other board games - which, by the way, were not so pretty from what i could tell when she opened the boxes. look at me all you want, ma'am. but know that can't anybody hardly afford all this. *pats hair in place*. boo yah.

where was i. oh yes. so when i got the chance, i inspected my game. the box looked clean on the outside. and then. when i opened it. hellooo. brand new. die, pencils, timer, everything was in its original sealed plastic bag. price - fifty cents. can i get a "word" up in here?

ps. when i say "holding", i mean in my hands. nothing goes up against my body. mainly because i refuse to germ-x and diaper wipe my shirt. walking around with wet spots on your shirt doesn't look so appealing. trust me on this. my hands, however, get the full work-up when i get into the car. that's what she said.

(dagnabit. i need to stop watching the office.)

when i see "mcrib is back - limited time" signs, i'm always like "limit this".

it used to be that out of the blue my hubby would say something like "oh! the mcrib is back!" and i'd be all "yay!" and then he'd be like "just kidding." and i'd be like *kicks him in the shins* and then he'd be like "you fell for it. so it was so worth the kick".

well not anymore. i discovered that *buys mcribs in bulk and freezes them to last until the next limited time offer only sale* pretty much delivers me from my hubby's tomfoolery.

crazy? or crazy smart. i'll let you decide. but i'm telling you it's the second option.

also. note to self: if you eat every sandwich you buy, that leaves none to freeze.

friends don't let friends not get surprise packages.

my friend amber sends me stuff now and then. it's because she likes me. or. it's because she's awesome and she likes me.

one time, amber sent me a handmade coffee sleeve. and another time, she sent me the best ever bacon key fob. and still another time. she sent me a tillamook beef stick. so last week when i received a package from her in the mail, i didn't know what to expect. would it be something she made? or would it be food? or maybe both? like her (whispers) camel toe bread.

and look what i got! handmade by amber herself. it's a pretty brooch. "for a pretty girl", she wrote on the card. or maybe i wrote that under everything she wrote. probably i wrote it because the handwriting is different. and it's in blue ink instead of black. anyway, it's true.

i'm so glad amber is my friend. also. i hope she appreciates the work i put into taking this amazing picture of her brooch. the work = i had to clean my mirror of toothpaste spots (for the self portrait). now that's friendship.

you can't compare apples to oranges. unless you're comparing them.

it's muffin tin monday. today's theme is "color series - orange".

this is the thing. i live in florida. the state fruit is orange. the state flower is orange blossom. the state beverage is orange juice. and the state pie is key lime. apparently, there's a national rule about having more than three state items that coincide. i just made that up. i thought it was funny. but now i'm thinking it's not. too bad. it's late and i don't have time to re-write this whole post.

we've got vanilla yogurt in an orange cup. with two types of orange sprinkles. and an orange spoon. and cheez-its. and orange peanut butter m&ms.

i really wish "orange" rhymed with something. <--- that's me thinking out loud. and this is me linking muffin tin mom. word.

sunday snippets.

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

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kimmyfriend: hahaha!
me: hhhhaahahaha! whatever loser. i will cut you! haahhahaahah!
kimmyfriend: hahhahah! ack! hahahha!
me: haahahahaha! hahahahaahahaha!
kimmyfriend: ack! see? hahaha! hahahhah!

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vanessafriend: it says body cream. it can be used on the entire body.
me: if you use that for any part of your body other than your hands, you're walking home.

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the end. have a great week!

oh, man. the garage sale chronicles.

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: you're in big trouble if you were told to man the sale.

it's always fun to go up to a garage sale and see a man sitting there. slumped over. defeated. most likely, his wife is in the bathroom on a quick break. or. he's being punished for over-tipping the friendly waitress who kept calling him "honey". either way. he's an easy mark.

take for example, this fingertip towel. new with tag. retail price is around five dollars.

me: i wonder how much this is.
donnafriend: i'd say fifty cents. ask.
me: *turns to look at the man.*
the man: take it. you can have it. it's free.

and there you have it. also. if he wasn't in trouble before. he's in trouble now.

question. what would make me watch the olympics? one word. dwight schrute and figure skating.

so i started watching "the office". like just this week. i joined netflix and began the show with season one. i'm now on season three. and advancing. that's what she said.

yes. i realize i'm probably one of the last people on earth to watch this show. well. other than my friend nessa. she won't watch it. if only she knew how much they talk about (whispers) s-e-x.

anyway. i figured i'd post this to check in with everyone. mainly because my bff (tristan) misses me. but also because i miss her. and you. all of you. except for kimmy kim kim. and that's because we've been watching "the office" together.

i wonder if they make a jim doll. i'd totally buy one. but only if it had like "real" hair. so i could cut it. i like the clean cut look. fact. take for example michael vartan. in jello.

red is the color of amore. and i don't speak finnish.

it's muffin tin monday. today's theme is "color series - red/valentine's". which is why i chose all red foods in a red muffin tin. also. i wore red-tinted sunglasses while preparing the meal. so my colors may be slightly off.

so we've got mac-n-cheese. toasted bread. corned beef. corn. and a danimals yogurt smoothie.

did you notice that i cut each food item into tiny little hearts? me neither. but lemme tell you. i create these meals for my girls. and there's definitely love in them. (insert awwww's here. or gagging noises.)

ah yes. muffin tin meals. dining at its finest.

sunday snippets.

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.
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me: *stacking plates.*
man who clears table (mwct): can i take those plates?
me: yes. thank you.
mwct: are you chinese?

me: uh. no.
mwct: are you filipino?
me: uh. no.
mwct: what are you?
me: um. i'm vietnamese.
mwct: do you live here? what street do you live on?
me: uh. i live here.
mwct: because you look chinese to me.
me: uh. no. i'm not.
mwct: i remember you! you do nails?
me: NO! I DON'T DO NAILS!

mwct: *walks away.*
me: *muttering to self.*
hubby: *returns to table.*
me: *still muttering.*
hubby: what happened?
me: I DON'T DO NAILS!
hubby: um.

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the end. have a great week!

three people like me. four if you count michael vartan.

i just washed down some fried chicken gizzards with a diet coke. and you know what that means. it's time for another awards post.

so. tristan from the transient pod decided to give me the beautiful blogger award. she's my newest bff. she just doesn't know it yet. anyway. with this award, i'm supposed to share seven interesting things about myself. i'm not exactly sure what that has to do with being beautiful. mainly because the seven things i'm going to share with you are going to scare the pants off of you. and we all know that ain't gonna be pretty.

1. i cut my finger nails really really short so as to deter dirt and stuff from hiding underneath them. stuff could be anything from boogers to pulled pork.

2. feet scare me. not mine. just yours. and many people already know this. but it's just too important to leave out.

3. i love running. but i rarely do.
4. i love going potty alone. but i rarely do.
5. sometimes i'll be on the toilet and i'll wanna text or call someone. you're expecting a "but i rarely do" here. well. you're not gonna get it.
6. i'm lactose intolerant. and i've got pre-diabetes. so my food choices are limited. i don't care. good luck to those who join me for a meal.
7. i can't tell the difference between regular dr. pepper and diet dr. pepper.

i now pass this award on to:
- elegant bloggery - because helloooo. the word "elegant" is in the blog title. it's an obvious choice. also. i forgive her for having a bare feet photo on her banner.
- it ain't easy being cheesy - because i like cheese. a lot. and again, it doesn't matter if i'm lactose intolerant.

vanessa from much more than mommy also decided to give me an award. the sunshine award. it's because she thinks i'm the best ever. now. she didn't exactly say that word for word on her blog. but that's what i saw when i read "extremely difficult" in her dedication post. and i now pass this award on to:

- the transient pod - because i'm she's the sunshine in her my life. also. she's going to think that i'm giving this to her because she gave me an award. except she's not. because we've already gone over this together. back when she gave me the award. and then i told her i wanted to give her one before she even gave me mine. this is just like "back to the future". part three.
- leigh vs. laundry - because she's currently posting a series of twenty-eight days of happiness. and isn't that what sunshine is all about? (except when you don't wear sunblock and you get burned red as a 'roid.)

oh man. my final award of this post. denise from teddy started it made it just for me. me! because michael vartan would love my blog. it's true! read the award! see? pshyeah. be jealous folks. also. you can laugh, too. but don't laugh too hard. you know why? i'm not passing it on. ha ha! that's right! she told me that she "trusts (i'll) know what to do with it". and what i'm doing with it is keeping it. for. ev. er.

wasn't that fun? you know it, yo. if you were given an award, please collect it by clicking on it. this will open a new page allowing you to take your award. if you were not given an award, your time will come. but when it does, don't expect the michael vartan award. i'm serious, man.

tea time with friends can be uncomfortable if all the cookies were eaten ahead of time. and especially if no one wants to share their kotex coupons.

a true friend will make you laugh when you're feeling down. a truer friend will cry with you when you've had a bad day. and the truest friend will just tell you to get off the cold hard tile* and open the package they sent you that just so happens to contain pms tea.

yeah. exactly. p-m-s tea.

*if you lay on cold hard tile. and if you still feel warmer than it does. you're not dying. that impending doom is just pms. you're just gonna have to trust that i know what i'm talking about.

if i don't have any plans, i end up at epcot.

it's muffin tin monday. and there was no theme today. so i went to epcot. it just seemed like the obvious thing to do.

i picked up these mickey ice cube trays while i was there. which i plan on using for a future mtm. but when i use them for that future mtm, i'm not going to tell anyone that they're ice cube trays. except i just gave everything away now. man. no wonder my application to the british secret intelligence service keeps getting rejected.

m-i-c - see all the participants of today's mtm on muffin tin mom's site. k-e-y - why? because that's where all the participants are listed. duh.

sunday snippets.

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

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hubby: and what part of the body do you use for hearing?
students: ears! ears! ears!
hubby: and does anybody know anything else about the ears?
student "e": oh! my daddy likes to eat candy. that's why he's fat. and he can't run anymore.

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me: *stares at hubby.*
hubby: what? you've never seen anyone draw up condensed milk with a syringe before? we need bigger syringes.

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the end. have a great week!

i'm wearing a leopard kimono. aka. my snuggie is on backwards.

in october, i bought a pink snuggie. yada yada yada. i now have four snuggies. two pinks. one zebra. one leopard.

you can't strip me of pride.

*hugging myself because i'm so cuddly.*

i've got singles in my pocket and i'm not afraid to use them. and that constipated look occurs naturally when i think.

garage sales are my favorite. and recently, i was told that i can be a bit scary when i go garage sale-ing. of course, this may be true, but it pretty much applies to any avid garage sale enthusiast. psh. yes it does.

last weekend, i went to a community garage sale. and at one of those houses, they had a "disney princess enchanted tales deluxe castle". holla! (this thing originally retailed for around $140.) the lady wanted $30. and i looked at her. and smiled. but man. all these numbers and scenarios were running through my head. and then before i could counter offer. she said she'd take $11. fear me and my thinking process! or the eggs i had for breakfast!

so i'm wondering. am i on my way to being "the lady who brings the pain"? um. it's not what it sounds like.

see. there was this lady who walked past me while clutching her heart at the community sale. and if you're wondering whether i stopped to ask her if she was okay. well the answer is - not really.

now don't go thinking i'm cruel. because heart clutching, heavy breathing, bringin' her own pain woman, didn't need my acknowledgment. she had one hand on her heart. the other hand on her bag. and both eyes set on the next participating house back behind me. and i feared her.

the thing is. i don't have twenty-five cent cat figurines running through my veins. but i can't help to think that one day, i just might. but honestly, i won't pay anything over a dime for cat figurines anyway.

maybe i used to be a fan of vera bradley. but now, i'm just happy to get through the day without seeing one. does this melon look ripe to you?

it seems lately that whenever i see someone walk by with a vera bradley on their arm, i have the urge scratch my pits. could be i need to start waxing instead of shaving. but anyway. it's like out of nowhere, vera bradley exploded like a big white chin pimple. and dude. i don't carry stock in clearasil.

now let's clarify something. i don't dislike vera bradley. but i don't feel the same way about the company like i used to some odd thirteen years ago. it's probably because i'm a vera bradley purse snob.

see. i have a collection of close to one hundred purses and about double the amount in accessories. and most of these were acquired back in the day when i had to drive to some remote boutique just to see the latest pattern. that's right folks. i'm an original vb old-schooler.

it's like this. you know how dolly parton got some (ahem) work done? and she was like the chick with the huge bajumbas. and then. slowly. over the years, more and more women were starting to do the same thing? yeah. that's how i feel about vera bradley.

i started it! don't touch! yes, it's washable but i prefer to spot clean mine! (famous last words from me - on the topic of vera bradley. or from dolly - on the topic of well, you know what.) man. when ms. parton sang about workin' "9 to 5", oh boy. she meant it. also. i have no idea what that means. it just sound good and random enough for my post. word.

sometimes i get real down and i feel like nobody loves me. like when three of my friends told me they wanted to give me soap. bunch of stinkers.

i've got three friends who are hosting giveaways for soap. and knowing them doesn't disqualify me from entering. unfortunately, it doesn't guarantee a win either. lame.

nonetheless. i'm going to tell you about their giveaways. i'll even include links. and i'm doing this because (a) they need my help. they believe that i hold some kind of special power to drive entrants to their giveaways. and (b) i just totally made up (a).

friend one is kearsie of sounds like tomatoes. she's giving away a lavender felted soap handcrafted by sheepy hollow. also. we have hundreds of miles between us. so there's no way she can smell me. i smell like vanilla, anyway.

friend two is kim of a parent's life to behold, through the eyes of insanity and bliss. she's giving away a pair of grapefruit conversation heart soaps handcrafted by so stinking sweet. also. we, too, have hundreds of miles between us. so there's no way she can smell me. i smell like cranberries, anyway.

friend three is vanessa of much more than mommy. she's giving away a pair of handcrafted hot process soaps (in cherry and dreams scents) as well as a solid perfume pot (in bare naked scent) by barefoot bath and body. now the thing about this friend is this: there are only a few miles between us. and she can smell me. but it don't matter what i smell like because she keeps comin' back for more.

so dear friends. please go enter these giveaways. and please include the words "wendiwinn sent me." these words are very important. i don't get anything if you tell them i sent you. except for respect. and don't you think i'm due some? after all, i've got three friends calling me dirty! and all at the same time! oh. ohhhhh. wait. maybe it's because they caught me and hubby at the new year's party in the clos--- you know what? they should've knocked! please go enter. thanks.

i'm not drunk. i'm reading dr. seuss. and i'm slurring because his books are like 500 pages long. or it could be i poisoned myself with green eggs.

it's muffin tin monday. today's theme is "dr. seuss".

my girls love it when i read dr. seuss. they laugh and laugh and laugh. i mean. ok. it's fun. but only at the rate of one book per day. when i'm about on my third dr. seuss book (same day, back to back), i just want to cry. oh my. why? because of all those rhymes that go by. sigh. don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about.

so today, we've got green eggs. and spam. we also have one fish. two fish. red fish. blue fi-mm&m. and lastly, we have the cat's hat (red and white jello).

i wonder how many other moms made green eggs. let's go ask muffin tin mom. i bet i was the only one. also. it would seem that green food coloring makes me extra sarcastic. i'm sure you can't tell, though.