i took a simple trip to kentucky. i was so mad at the po-po for taking the best parking spots.

i recently visited my good friend kimmy kim kim. we got to hang out for a whole weekend. there was shopping and hand sanitizing and other stuff. i'm going to split my kentucky experience into a series of blog posts. i'll do this because it will give me, well... blog posts. plus. with the trending decline of soap operas, i know you all need something to keep you going.

on a certain day, kim and i were driving around and i spotted a garage sale sign. now. i'm pretty much a professional garage sale shopper. there should be cameras following me around for that reason alone. or for any reason, really.

i can spot signs a mile away. kim, however, cannot. her fresh eyes are not trained to immediately locate the flopping florescent orange poster board flimsily taped to street signs. it could be because she refuses to turn on the light when she cooks. but probably it's because the signs blend so naturally into their surroundings.

our conversations during this time went something like this.

me: kim! garage sale!
kim: where! ack! what!
me: there! the sign!
kim: where! ack! what!
me: kim! turn now!
kim: where! ack! what!
me: here! turn! turn!
kim: where! ack! what!

and like this.

kim: where are we?
me: i know where we are. don't worry. *lost as a kidney stone down the toilet.*
kim: how do we get back home?
me: i know where we are. don't worry. *out the car door and to the garage sale.*

and like this.

me: did you touch anything?
kim: no.
me: doesn't matter. germ-x and wipe.
kim: *sobs quietly.*

good times, my friends. good times. also. the first garage sale we went to set the tone for the rest of the day. as kim turned down the street she was like. which house is it? and i was like. well, duh. it's the house with all the cars in front of it.

all the cars would be about four cars. plus an emt truck. plus two police cars. plus one beat up sports car and a man who was grabbing the back of his head (and eyeing the garage sale). i was like. dude. that's what got you in trouble in the first place.

kim was very cautious driving past the commotion. all the while, i was yelling at her to hurry up and park already. and finally when she did, i walked up to the lady hosting the sale. and i was like. wow. garage sales sure do get wild around these parts. and she was like. yeah.

also. one of the paramedics left the scene of the accident to garage sale. no joke. he kept turning around. either (a) he was buying a gift for his partner and it was a surprise. or (b) he was debating whether or not to ask his partner for a quarter. but i'm gonna go with (c) what the heck are you doing! can't you see a man's been hurt! you're on the job, man! you can't just leave the scene of *your* accident!

anyway. i don't blame him. i'd probably do the same thing.

come back soon. you'll want to hear more about my adventures in lexington. here's a teaser for you: kimmy was like. they're really nice here. but they treat you differently. it makes me feel important just standing next to you.

ps. did you enter my giveaway? i promise there is one. and it's an easy one at that! you just have to scroll down past my pathetic (but totally needed) begging.