i took a simple trip to kentucky. i'm going to tell you about all the fun i had. but first, let me find my goji berries.

i recently visited my good friend kimmy kim kim in good ol' kentucky. we got to hang out for a whole weekend. there was shopping and hand sanitizing and other stuff. i'm going to let you in on our fun.

but this is how i'm going to do it. i'm going to split my kentucky experience into a series of blog posts. i'll do this because it will give me, well... blog posts. plus. with the trending decline of soap operas, i know you all need something to keep you going.

ahhh, lexington. horse capitol of the world. i saw none. mainly because kim and i spent a majority of our time in whole foods and fresh market. it's not *that* unusual.

on a certain day, kim and i sat in the parking lot of whole foods taste testing "food". that's what we did. we bought weird foods and tried them out. and during that whole time of trying out portabello pattie mushies and green tea rice cakes, michael vartan did not come up and ask us to marry him. so we moved on to the fresh market.

at the fresh market, kim schooled the butcher. she was like. there are eight slices of bacon to a pound. and the butcher was like. well. more like ten or twelve. and then i was like. give it all to me. or two and a half pounds. and then he was like. oh. you were right. there *are* eight slices to a pound. and i was like. where is my bacon?

also. that whole paragraph above happened at whole foods. i just changed it to fresh market because again. michael vartan did not ask us to marry him.

but for real at fresh market. i found goji berries. i wasn't exactly interested in them until i read the directions. wait. what? you're like. directions? and i'm like. exactly. wait for it.

"begin with 10 to 20 berries per day. you may progress up to 100 berries per day."

immediately in the car, kim ate one. i would not allow her to spit it out. i ate 10. or the whole bag. and now. i cannot stop. i am on my last bag of goji berries. and kim has promised me that i have two pounds coming my way. also. i think i've lost all feeling in my tongue.

come back soon. you'll want to hear more about my adventures in lexington. here's a teaser for you: so i told the lady. wow. your garage sales sure do get wild. and she was like. yeah. also. one of the paramedics left the scene to check out her figurines.