i wrote this all by myself. but i didn't understand it until i used the translator.

"we are pleased to inform you that your child will receive instructions in the district's esol program."

that was the second line in a letter i received from li'l tot's school today. and it frustrated me. i mean. last year, i received something similar. but after speaking to the teacher, i was assured it was just a formality. and so i laughed it off.

well guess what. i was sick all weekend and laughs are somewhat of a rarity around here. mainly because when i laugh, i cough. and when i cough, dark green globs come out of my throat. and there's a gurgling noise. you're welcome for that image.

this all started when i answered one of those routine questionnaires sent home from school. i marked down english as a first language. and then i also checked "other languages spoken at home". well apparently, when you do this, you're flagged and enrolled in esol (english for speakers of other languages).

i called and spoke to the esol designee who signed the letter. and pretty much yelled the whole time. of course, my voice is hoarse so she probably thought it was my normal sultry voice. in any case, she told me not to worry. thrice. don't worry. we won't take her out of class. she goes to school just like normal. well then why is she in esol? (see above paragraph.) don't worry. we will only see her at the end of the year when she is tested. don't worry. she'll do perfect!

and that's when it dawned on me. and out of my mouth came words that were never truer spoken. <--- that whole line sounded good in my head. i asked ms. designee a simple question. does the school receive funding from my child being in esol? let's take a moment of silence. because she did. yes.

so in order for my child to not be automatically enrolled in esol, i am supposed to refrain from marking "other languages spoken at home". i'm supposed to lie. don't worry. jesus will forgive me. except. he's forgiven enough of me already. and i don't feel like letting the school use my child as an esol prodigy. especially since she's going to pass the test with flying colors. how can she not? english is her first language! she can recite all the words to tangled's "mother knows best". so obvi, she's going to be able to say: hello. my name is (li'l tot) and i am six years old. may i use your restroom? the cafeteria has shiny floors. thank you and come again.

let me break something down for you. li'l tot suffered through a semester of vietnamese classes last year. she didn't know anyone. she didn't understand anything. she had zero friends. and i sat outside the room in the same predicament. but she finished. the point of this little paragraph? when my own people gathered around to figure out who i was, i was called an "american" - as if it were something to be ashamed of.

and today. my american self feels like it's been slammed back into 1975.

where do i belong? idk. but where ever it is, my children belong somewhere better. esol is great for those who need it. but for those who don't, it's a stigma. it's insulting to tell me my child is in an esol program because another language is spoken at home. she should be praised for her diversity. not pushed into a program that benefits her in zero ways.

why give a man arm floaties when he can swim? because he has a pool. and because the arm floaties are slathered with sponsorship patches. well somebody check the chlorine level 'cause i'm about to punch some holes in these floaties. and maybe squirt a little spf 50 in some eyes while i'm at it.