wendiwinn - she likes stuff

today we're getting sauced and promoting bladder wellness. all at the same time. <--- that's how rockin' homeschool moms do it.

2011-11-14T16:31:00.005-05:00

it's muffin tin monday. li'l tot asked me why we haven't participated in a while. and my answer was *makes mental note to participate the week after*. one month later, here we are.

so this week, we're "rowing" cranberry thanksgiving (by wende and harry devlin). and i thought it'd be perfect to turn the girls' snacks into a celebration of cranberries. mayhaps i got carried away. but no. no no. i don't think i did. carried away would be: me dancing in circles with my arms outspread singing "zombie" along with the cranberries. which i did not do. i did it to "dreams", instead.

today, my girls had oatmeal cranberry cookies. craisins. jellied cranberry sauce wedges. cool whip topped with frozen cranberries. a bacon sandwich on cranberry swirl bread. and cran-grape juice.

the girls ate all the cool whip. and bacon. they also finished their juice. the rest was toyed with. it made me a little sad that they weren't impressed with jellied cranberry sauce. but then i ate their jellied wedges and i wasn't sad anymore.

on a side note. this past weekend, we went to epcot to visit "china" for our "row" on the story about ping (by marjorie flack) and guess what. ocean spray delivered an amazing cranberry bog exhibition! it included the raker harvester man in waders fellow! they even handed out packets of craisins. how awesome is that. totally awesome. that's how. talk about perfect timing! i was quite impressed. and i wasn't even drunk. unlike the lady who was behind me rolling her r's furiously and screaming "margarrrreeeetahs!" <--- it's not an epcot story unless i mention a drunk or ten. or twenty if the food and wine festival is going on.

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

we have annual passes to disney. and well frankly, public school was putting a damper on that.

2011-10-03T17:09:00.002-04:00

last wednesday, i withdrew li'l tot from first grade. my intent is to homeschool for the rest of the school year. yada yada yada. i rarely feel the need to explain myself.

i've pretty much gone through every emotion there is in the past four days. at this point, i'm committed to the decision that was made. and hopefully by the end of the school year, i will not be *committed* to the local mental health facility. but should that be the case, just know that i won't be dragged away in a long skirted denim jumper. it'll be corduroy. with matching hand-embroidered rhinestone vest.

i wrote this all by myself. but i didn't understand it until i used the translator.

2011-09-06T21:56:00.002-04:00

"we are pleased to inform you that your child will receive instructions in the district's esol program."

that was the second line in a letter i received from li'l tot's school today. and it frustrated me. i mean. last year, i received something similar. but after speaking to the teacher, i was assured it was just a formality. and so i laughed it off.

well guess what. i was sick all weekend and laughs are somewhat of a rarity around here. mainly because when i laugh, i cough. and when i cough, dark green globs come out of my throat. and there's a gurgling noise. you're welcome for that image.

this all started when i answered one of those routine questionnaires sent home from school. i marked down english as a first language. and then i also checked "other languages spoken at home". well apparently, when you do this, you're flagged and enrolled in esol (english for speakers of other languages).

i called and spoke to the esol designee who signed the letter. and pretty much yelled the whole time. of course, my voice is hoarse so she probably thought it was my normal sultry voice. in any case, she told me not to worry. thrice. don't worry. we won't take her out of class. she goes to school just like normal. well then why is she in esol? (see above paragraph.) don't worry. we will only see her at the end of the year when she is tested. don't worry. she'll do perfect!

and that's when it dawned on me. and out of my mouth came words that were never truer spoken. <--- that whole line sounded good in my head. i asked ms. designee a simple question. does the school receive funding from my child being in esol? let's take a moment of silence. because she did. yes.

so in order for my child to not be automatically enrolled in esol, i am supposed to refrain from marking "other languages spoken at home". i'm supposed to lie. don't worry. jesus will forgive me. except. he's forgiven enough of me already. and i don't feel like letting the school use my child as an esol prodigy. especially since she's going to pass the test with flying colors. how can she not? english is her first language! she can recite all the words to tangled's "mother knows best". so obvi, she's going to be able to say: hello. my name is (li'l tot) and i am six years old. may i use your restroom? the cafeteria has shiny floors. thank you and come again.

let me break something down for you. li'l tot suffered through a semester of vietnamese classes last year. she didn't know anyone. she didn't understand anything. she had zero friends. and i sat outside the room in the same predicament. but she finished. the point of this little paragraph? when my own people gathered around to figure out who i was, i was called an "american" - as if it were something to be ashamed of.

and today. my american self feels like it's been slammed back into 1975.

where do i belong? idk. but where ever it is, my children belong somewhere better. esol is great for those who need it. but for those who don't, it's a stigma. it's insulting to tell me my child is in an esol program because another language is spoken at home. she should be praised for her diversity. not pushed into a program that benefits her in zero ways.

why give a man arm floaties when he can swim? because he has a pool. and because the arm floaties are slathered with sponsorship patches. well somebody check the chlorine level 'cause i'm about to punch some holes in these floaties. and maybe squirt a little spf 50 in some eyes while i'm at it.

i can improvise like a mother. and i announce the winner to my giveaway. and i make one (maybe) last plea for votes.

2011-07-25T19:28:00.004-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. i know this because i when i told the girls it was time for lunch, li'l tot screamed out something like. yay! it's muffin tin monday! i love muffin tin monday! and then baby screamed out something like. yay! grrrrrrr! tin! to which my reply was:

*scoops food off plate and into muffin cups.* (and maybe i used my hands.)

today, my girls had macaroni and cheese. and sliced all beef hot dogs. and blueberries with cool whip. also. by not abbreviating it "mac 'n cheese", i made the dish sound more sophisticated.

i would have liked to serve my girls something more... organic. but alas. i don't have a whole foods or fresh market here. <--- not that i can't go to other local grocers. i'm just throwing that in as an "i want one of those markets" complaint. so the best they're gonna get today is:

i washed my hands before scooping. (fine. definitely i used my hands.)

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

ps. thank you to everyone who entered my giveaway. and congrats to sara for winning the strawberry recipe book! yay! watch your email for my exciting letter! but don't watch it like i watch the twitter.

pps. have you voted for my girls? <--- probably you're getting tired of my begging. unless you haven't kept up with me. in which case, hi! please vote for my girls. they're fighting for third place in the "cutest gogo squeezer contest". to vote for them, you have to "LIKE" the gogo squeez page on facebook. then, you have to "LIKE" photo #23. then you have to tell all your friends to vote. or you can just do the first two steps. i like you. thanks!

i took a simple trip to kentucky. i was so mad at the po-po for taking the best parking spots.

2011-07-20T09:56:00.006-04:00

i recently visited my good friend kimmy kim kim. we got to hang out for a whole weekend. there was shopping and hand sanitizing and other stuff. i'm going to split my kentucky experience into a series of blog posts. i'll do this because it will give me, well... blog posts. plus. with the trending decline of soap operas, i know you all need something to keep you going.

on a certain day, kim and i were driving around and i spotted a garage sale sign. now. i'm pretty much a professional garage sale shopper. there should be cameras following me around for that reason alone. or for any reason, really.

i can spot signs a mile away. kim, however, cannot. her fresh eyes are not trained to immediately locate the flopping florescent orange poster board flimsily taped to street signs. it could be because she refuses to turn on the light when she cooks. but probably it's because the signs blend so naturally into their surroundings.

our conversations during this time went something like this.

me: kim! garage sale!
kim: where! ack! what!
me: there! the sign!
kim: where! ack! what!
me: kim! turn now!
kim: where! ack! what!
me: here! turn! turn!
kim: where! ack! what!

and like this.

kim: where are we?
me: i know where we are. don't worry. *lost as a kidney stone down the toilet.*
kim: how do we get back home?
me: i know where we are. don't worry. *out the car door and to the garage sale.*

and like this.

me: did you touch anything?
kim: no.
me: doesn't matter. germ-x and wipe.
kim: *sobs quietly.*

good times, my friends. good times. also. the first garage sale we went to set the tone for the rest of the day. as kim turned down the street she was like. which house is it? and i was like. well, duh. it's the house with all the cars in front of it.

all the cars would be about four cars. plus an emt truck. plus two police cars. plus one beat up sports car and a man who was grabbing the back of his head (and eyeing the garage sale). i was like. dude. that's what got you in trouble in the first place.

kim was very cautious driving past the commotion. all the while, i was yelling at her to hurry up and park already. and finally when she did, i walked up to the lady hosting the sale. and i was like. wow. garage sales sure do get wild around these parts. and she was like. yeah.

also. one of the paramedics left the scene of the accident to garage sale. no joke. he kept turning around. either (a) he was buying a gift for his partner and it was a surprise. or (b) he was debating whether or not to ask his partner for a quarter. but i'm gonna go with (c) what the heck are you doing! can't you see a man's been hurt! you're on the job, man! you can't just leave the scene of *your* accident!

anyway. i don't blame him. i'd probably do the same thing.

come back soon. you'll want to hear more about my adventures in lexington. here's a teaser for you: kimmy was like. they're really nice here. but they treat you differently. it makes me feel important just standing next to you.

ps. did you enter my giveaway? i promise there is one. and it's an easy one at that! you just have to scroll down past my pathetic (but totally needed) begging.

gogo squeez is apple sauce. not physical exertion. want to win a book? i change subjects quickly when i sense an onset of uncomfortable silence.

2011-07-17T22:26:00.010-04:00

my girls and i discovered gogo squeez a couple months back. they saw it in the canned fruit aisle and immediately started to reach for it. so i read the label. no added sugar. 100% fruit. no spoon no mess. and each pouch is a whole fruit serving. plus. if my girls dropped it on my foot, it wouldn't hurt. so obvi, i bought a box (apple strawberry gogo squeez) to try it out.

my girls devoured it. bam. two servings down in less than five minutes. is it really that good? idk. it's applesauce. and it makes them regular. so. yes.

lo and behold, earlier this month, gogo squeez decided to hold a "cutest gogo squeezer contest". and i was like. um. hello. i have produced adorable children. here is their picture.

well guess what, folks. my girls are in the running. but. winning is a little tricky. they need votes. and in order for you to vote, you have to "LIKE" the gogo squeez page on facebook. then, you have to "LIKE" the cutest picture ---> let's use picture #23 for reference.

seriously. with all the recent tiger mom notoriety and the release of kung fu panda 2, my girls are a perfect fit for gogo squeez. can't you hear it? eat gogo squeez! all the prodigies do!

let your voice be heard. please vote for my girls. a win for them is a win for (insert your cause here).

also. because you've been so kind as to read this whole post. and because i like you. and because june cleaver nirvana said i could. i'm giving away an awesome strawberry recipes book (a $16.99 retail value). yay! it has over 70 pages of yummy recipes. and pretty photographs!

i want to eat the pages. but why do that when i can just get my fiber from gogo squeez. see how i did that? please go vote. i need this to boost my self-esteem. i've been telling people i'm awesome, but i've been leaving off the exclamation point. that's how bad it is. also. i can't have a normal conversation anymore because of the gogo squeez contest.

this giveaway for the strawberry recipes book is open world-wide. all you have to do to enter is:

1. leave a comment telling me you want the book. and that you promise not to go crazy and hug my children if you see them in public. ~~they will bite you. and i can't keep making them drink germ-x.~~ this is the only mandatory step and it gives you one entry.

2. if you vote for my girls (or have voted), leave a separate comment telling me you did so. this will give you one more entry. this step is optional. you can do this for as many accounts as you have on facebook. some people have their pets on facebook. i do not judge you for reasons i care not to discuss.

3. leave a safe way for me to contact you. if i can't contact you, you can't win.

so go ahead and play. win this strawberry recipe book and on monday, july 25, 2011 at 11:03pm est, i will use the ~~random number generator~~ something to select the winner. giveaway winners must reply to my contact within two days. otherwise, i will visit the ~~random number generator~~ something again.

and now for the fine print. it's more small print than fine. contest starts as soon as this is posted. it ends at 11:02pm on monday, july 25, 2011 est. one entry per person - unless you participate in the optional additional steps. in that case, you'll get more entries. if you do not follow the rules, i may still publish your comment (but not until the giveaway is over). it just won't count as an entry. psh, i'm tough. chances of winning depend on the number of entries. raise your chances of winning by not telling anyone. lower your chances by telling everyone you know. this contest is open to you - whether i know you or not. this is my 21st giveaway. if i have a positive response, i'll have more giveaways to bring you back. if i don't have a positive response, i'll still have more giveaways to bring you back. by entering this giveaway, you agree to abide by the rules i've stated or not stated. and i can change the rules whenever i please. it's a woman's prerogative. this is just a giveaway. i received the mentioned item complimentary. this lovely post you just read is comprised of my own personal opinions. i say what i want, yo.

i took a simple trip to kentucky. i'm going to tell you about all the fun i had. but first, let me find my goji berries.

2011-07-15T21:25:00.004-04:00

i recently visited my good friend kimmy kim kim in good ol' kentucky. we got to hang out for a whole weekend. there was shopping and hand sanitizing and other stuff. i'm going to let you in on our fun.

but this is how i'm going to do it. i'm going to split my kentucky experience into a series of blog posts. i'll do this because it will give me, well... blog posts. plus. with the trending decline of soap operas, i know you all need something to keep you going.

ahhh, lexington. horse capitol of the world. i saw none. mainly because kim and i spent a majority of our time in whole foods and fresh market. it's not *that* unusual.

on a certain day, kim and i sat in the parking lot of whole foods taste testing "food". that's what we did. we bought weird foods and tried them out. and during that whole time of trying out portabello pattie mushies and green tea rice cakes, michael vartan did not come up and ask us to marry him. so we moved on to the fresh market.

at the fresh market, kim schooled the butcher. she was like. there are eight slices of bacon to a pound. and the butcher was like. well. more like ten or twelve. and then i was like. give it all to me. or two and a half pounds. and then he was like. oh. you were right. there *are* eight slices to a pound. and i was like. where is my bacon?

also. that whole paragraph above happened at whole foods. i just changed it to fresh market because again. michael vartan did not ask us to marry him.

but for real at fresh market. i found goji berries. i wasn't exactly interested in them until i read the directions. wait. what? you're like. directions? and i'm like. exactly. wait for it.

"begin with 10 to 20 berries per day. you may progress up to 100 berries per day."

immediately in the car, kim ate one. i would not allow her to spit it out. i ate 10. or the whole bag. and now. i cannot stop. i am on my last bag of goji berries. and kim has promised me that i have two pounds coming my way. also. i think i've lost all feeling in my tongue.

come back soon. you'll want to hear more about my adventures in lexington. here's a teaser for you: so i told the lady. wow. your garage sales sure do get wild. and she was like. yeah. also. one of the paramedics left the scene to check out her figurines.

sometimes i get scared and jump out of the water because i think i see sharks. and that's just in my pool.

2011-06-29T11:09:00.007-04:00

this past saturday, our family had a beach day. i'm not a big fan of the beach. but the girls love it. so i tolerate it. helloooo. "mom" spelled upside down is "wow". that's no coincidence.

baby and i spent most of the time digging sand under the umbrella shade while li'l tot and my hubby fought the waves. literally. they were kicking and punching and screaming at the one foot giant curls. it was like watching a karate kid remake. again.

also. i'm going to take this opportunity to tell you what my hubby was wearing. you know those desert hats? the ones with the visors and neck flaps? well. that. that's what he was wearing. that and water shoes. seriously.

on the one hand, i wanted to cry on the inside. on the other hand, i had kleenex.

as we were doing our thing, i noticed the man (who had been surf fishing near us) start to reel in his rod. and it was a fight. so i knew it'd be a great catch for my girls to see.

the man's line came to an end and there on the hook was the biggest scariest three foot baby shark. and of course, we ran over to see it.

the man pulled the hook out and held the shark firmly so my girls could touch it. what an awesome experience! i mean. i know you can touch sharks at fancy aquariums, but we don't have one in my town. plus. this was a live and wild thrashing man eating miniature shark!

after our encounter, we started our walk back to the car. now. i'm not one to let an educational moment pass us by, so i told the girls that when we got home, we would research our beach and sharks that are native to it.

no need. because li'l tot immediately knew what kind of shark it was. a laxamellex. and she knew this by the shark markings and it's "yellow and a little bit of gray" colors. it's apparently a very rare breed as google was unable to give me any information on it.

i tell you. li'l tot is a genius. she gets it from her dad. thankfully, however, she get's her sense of style from me.

ps. this is a snapshot from that day. as drawn by li'l tot and her eidetic memory. there's the enormous killer baby shark on the left. (i kept telling her to draw it bigger but she insisted it was tiny. whatev.) baby is up front making a sand castle. li'l tot drew herself in the background playing in the water. oh look. can you guess who that is in the big obnoxious hat? yeah. then there's me on the right. wow. if only i actually had a body to wear a bandeau suit.

pps. oh. and in the top right corner is a man parasailing. li'l tot calls him the "parachute man". i call him the guy who probably pees into the water from way up high.

my children love summer crafts. it gives them a break from the homework i'm making them do. close your mouth.

2011-06-22T22:20:00.004-04:00

i cannot be the only mom out there ~~forcing~~ encouraging her children to do homework. over the summer. ~~everyday~~ when time permits. also. so what if my children are only six and three?

li't tot and baby love their study time. they tell me so. they have to or else i'll drill them on einstein's law of relativity. also. most people call it a "law" but it's really just a theory. "law" implies truth and no doubt. people just accept it as the truth. etc etc. idk. my girls can explain it better.

in any case, though it totally sounds like it, it's not all fun and games here. we do crafts, too. here is just a sampling of the crafts we've enjoyed working on this summer.

1. whimsical garland.

the girls picked out cardstock and punched out shapes for me to sew a garland for them. it's beautiful and hangs in their hallway. the girls have already calculated the length of garland needed to fill the entire house.

2. bug mobile.

the girls used egg cartons to paint and make bugs. then i tied them to dowels to make a bug mobile. they are adorable. the girls and the bugs. also. the bugs are precisely modeled after the actual ones you'd find only in the galápagos islands, mainly south plaza island.

3. decoupage nancy.

this is the thing. i bought a half-mannequin over a decade ago for display. and she arrived at my door naked. shrink wrapped, but nonetheless, naked. i had to move after that.

so nancy. that's what she's called. my mother named her because apparently, it's rude to say, "mom. did you see where i put the naked girl?"

well. here we are. years later. and nancy still has no modesty whatsoever. and i'm about fed up with it. plus. helloooo. i'm married. wait. i was married when i bought her. whatever. i thought it was time to give nancy a makeover.

i added a bandeau top. and a mini skirt. and then i sanded her down. and then i cut strips of vintage dictionary and thesaurus pages. and then i brought the girls in to work.

the girls decoupaged the heck out of her. also. the whole time they kept asking me why we had to make a dress for nancy. ---> i made li'l tot write a 10 page essay on the values of modesty. and since baby can't write (yet), she had to illustrate the essay.

4. pirate sand.

the girls threw jewels and stars into their sandbox. sometimes kids just have to be kids. we play games like. i'll pick up a green gem and ask the girls to find the same gem. and then i'll be like. say and spell gem in vietnamese.

summer rocks!

the bad news is: i ate cheese. the good news is: my tummy is fine. the bad news is: i don't think it was actually cheese.

2011-06-17T23:34:00.003-04:00

our friends invited us out to dinner tonight. indian food. my first time. and i was pleasantly surprised. and you will be, too, as i recap tonight's menu.

1. we started out with crackers. they had little seeds in them. and karenfriend was like. guess. guess what the spice is. and i was like. um. i know. i know. basil? nope. and then there were some other guesses and donfriend was like. it has the same name as a diesel engine manufacturer. and i was like. oh. that clears it up. and then karenfriend was like. it starts with a "c". and my hubby was like. sesame seeds. and i was like. um. ceeeeeeeeeee. as in. ceeeeee, this is why you're a doctor and not an english teacher. and anyway. it was cumin.

2. the crackers came with "dips". and karenfriend was like. guess. guess what this one is. and i was like. um. cucumber? and donfriend was like. yep! endives. and then karenfriend was like. guess. guess what this other one is. and i was like. um. tamarind! and she was like. yes! and i was like. do indian restaurants have diet coke?

3. nan. aka naan. light and fluffy indian bread. check and check. also. we had to tell our children that it was like pizza bread so they would taste it.

4. vegetable dum biryani rice. veggies and dried nuts in basmati rice. this was my choice because honestly? it had the word "dum" in it. what do you want from me? simplicity and candor, right? well there you go.

5. chicken kourma. chicken in a mild cashew and almond creamy curry sauce. the children devoured this. so we had to order a second serving. these are the sacrifices parents make for their children. also. after baby's second chicken piece, i turned to find her with the plate straight up and down in front of her face as she attempted to lick the thing.

6. chicken tikka masala. chicken broiled and cooked in a creamy tomato sauce. oh. this was good. *savoring the moment.*

7. chicken phaal. chicken cooked in very hot anglo indian sauce laced with green chilies. dude. this one had four red peppers by its name. also. last week. when karenfriend and donfriend visited this restaurant for the first time, donfriend ordered this dish. but the server refused him. and said it was too spicy. we suspect it's because donfriend is white. <--- it's ok, we're so cool that being pc isn't much of an issue. idk.

anyhow. tonight. donfriend was like. let's order it. you guys are here. i bet they let us order it tonight. "you guys" means my family. we're as asian looking as they come. and see what i mean about the whole not worrying about being pc thing?

so karenfriend ordered it. and the server chuckled. and did an eyebrow lift thing. and when that dish came to the table, i was like. if there's anything we need to finish at this table, it's this.

i lost all feeling in my mouth for 20 minutes after taking a small sample of the stuff. karenfriend made asthmatic noises. and my hubby and donfriend were left to get the job done.

end result: we asked for a box for the leftovers. i bet the staff was in the kitchen laughing at us.

8. some kind of chicken. still on the bone. it was glazed in red. and it was good. and obvi, i have no idea what it was named.

9. chicken. yes, again! we like fowl! it was not on the bone. it was skewered. and please see the last line of #8.

10. lamb. there. are you happy? i can't tell you much about it. because i think i tasted this after the phaal. and please see the last line of #8.

11. two of the dishes included a soft and delicate garnish. we all tasted it. and karenfriend was like. guess! guess what it is! and i was like. um. hummus? and she was like. idk. because she didn't know. and neither did donfriend. but my hubby was like. they're mashed potatoes. and we all laughed at him. ceeeeeee here, mister. these are not mashed potatoes. so we called over the server.

they were mashed potatoes. oh snap. and then donfriend was like. oh. well. what are they seasoned with? and the server was like. butter. and donfriend was like. no no no. what is the spice you used? and the server was like. we put butter in the mashed potatoes and mix them. and then he made a face. this time, he moved the other eyebrow.

i bet the staff was in the kitchen laughing at us. again.

12. gulab jamun. and finally dessert has arrived. fried cheese balls soaked in cardamom flavored sugar syrup. no comment. other than. they were wet. and they were balls. but we all tried some. and baby. oh my baby baby. she asked for the bowl when the balls were all gone. so she could drink the syrup. of course, my hubby gave it to her. all the while, i was taking li'l tot to the bathroom.

and when i came out to see the goings on. i immediately thought. oh no! she likes it because it's got rum in it! but it didn't. i think.

my hubby and i decided we'd definitely come back. but idk how it'll taste with just our family. after all, friends make food taste better. unless the food is wet balls.

pig dinosaurs did too exist. and they used to fly. that's where the saying came from.

2011-06-13T22:29:00.003-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. and today, i thought that i would think outside the tin. because sometimes you have to. especially because bacon doesn't look pretty when it's all crumbly and squished. also. my friend kimmy kim kim gave me the "think outside the tin" line.

today, my girls had a rice volcano with chili. and bacon dinosaur bones. that's all i had in my house. rice, chili, bacon. no veggies. besides. cavemen don't eat anything green. unless they're caterpillars. also. my friend kimmy kim kim gave me the idea to do rice volcanoes. she said they'd look gross. but fun. she was right.

my girls also had brownies (not pictured, so stop looking for them). i called them dinosaur poop, in hopes that they wouldn't eat the brownies. you know. because the more for me, the better. it didn't work. also. my friend kimmy kim kim had nothing to do with the poop idea. <--- there's an inside joke hidden in that line.

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

sunday snippets.

2011-06-12T17:08:00.004-04:00

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.
---

hubby: what's his name? mitaki? migaki? what is it?
me: i'm not telling.
hubby: you don't know? it's your favorite movie! what is it? miyaki? what?
li'l tot: harry potter!
---

hubby: (baby), what do you say if you need to go poo poo?
baby: sorry, daddy!
---

hubby: are you gonna get gas now?
me: do you want me to get gas now?
hubby: yeah. it's always easier to get gas on the way home than on the way out.
me: um. ok. you wanna get some pants on?
---

me: *singing gibberish.*
li'l tot: mommy! that's crazy talk! that means you're about to run over a squirrel.
---

li'l tot: let's go to pirate island! turn on the engine.
baby: i can't find the engine.
---

the end. have a great week!

the last time i saw michael vartan doll, he had a raisin on his butt. i hope it was a raisin.

2011-06-09T13:31:00.004-04:00

there's so much pressure when it comes to leaving a legacy for my children. what can i give them that is sure to carry on for generations to come? i suppose there's always plastic. it's not exactly the most biodegradable product. so it's sure to stick around a while.

which is why i gave my men dolls to my girls. or it could be because i'm so over them.

also. my girls get a bit upset when they can't fit barbie's dresses onto the men. and i have to remind my girls that men have broader shoulders. that's why.

sugar and spice and everything nice. that's what little girls are made of. as long as you stuff them with said items.

2011-06-06T14:48:00.006-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. and it's been a year since i've participated. so i thought i'd come back with something sweet. literally and figuratively.

today, my girls had a side of sweet corn and sugared ham with their sandwich. their sugar sandwich. yes. that's what i made them. i buttered up some bread. and sprinkled pastel sugars all over it.

for serious. it's delish. and healthy. i mean. take out all the preservatives, additives, etc and what you've got left is natural and organic. i know. my way of thinking is so awesome.

also. i just realized why my girls are all hyped up and jumping on the sofa yelling gibberish. but better sweet than salty. everyone knows water retention ain't pretty.

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

also. have you entered the best giveaways going on right now?

i'm (vintageumbrella on etsy) sponsoring a giveaway on my kimmy kim kim's blog. it's for a vintage donkey salt and pepper shaker set. anyone like shaking ass?

and then i've also got one going on over at mimi's blog. it's for a vintage tin filled with vintage cookie cutters (which can also be used for cheese). i say this only so i can end with... anyone like cutting cheese?

i live in a sick world. and that's exactly why i feel normal.

what happens at a princess half-marathon hopefully always stays at a princess half-marathon.

2011-06-04T14:02:00.008-04:00

a few months back, i finished my first half-marathon. (i told you i would.) and without going into a long and wordy recollection of it, i'm just going to list the highlights. also. it'll probably still be long and wordy.

1. woke up at 3:00am. sisters-in-law and i drove to epcot for disney's princess 1/2 marathon race. found my friends at 4:00am.

2. used a portable potty. in the dark. couldn't find the flushing thingie. apparently, there isn't one. squeezed out about a third of the provided hand sanitizer onto my hands. and arms. and maybe on my legs, too.

3. used a portable potty again. in the almost light. could see the result of not having a flushing thingie. and the urinal that is face height when you sit on the pot. panicked when nothing came out of the hand sanitizer machine. bolted out and used sister-in-law's hand sanitizer on my hands. and arms. and definitely on my legs, too.

4. started the race at 6:30am. nice and easy. i laughed. i smiled. i tried not to touch people.

5. knee blew out at 3 miles. seriously. no more laughing. or smiling. and i tried not to punch people.

6. limped.

7. coveted knee braces and strategized assaults on the women who wore them.

8. stood in line inside a men's restroom. next to a barefoot woman. and across from a man shaking like he was a vampire in a room filled with anemics. and to clarify. the man wasn't shaking because he was scared. he was shaking because he was, well... finished.

9. limped some more.

10. realized i had awesome friends because they refused to leave me behind. experienced internal conflict because i would have left them in the dust.

11. passed on-looking guests, one of which was a friend and her family. they held a nice big encouraging sign that said "go winn". i wanted to cry. but my robot chip prevents that. considered exchanging that chip in for a bionic knee. brushed that idea off my shoulder almost immediately. crying ain't pretty. and pretty is more important than running.

12. limped even more.

13. crossed the 13.1 mile finish line with my friends. got a shiny medal. and an ice pack for my knee. and held in my pee until i got back home.

next year, i'm doing it all over again. and i'm bringing a knee brace. and disposable gloves. five pairs. i'm hardcore.

i'm like 79 degrees. in florida, that's cool. in angles, it's idk. geometry was not my best subject.

2011-06-03T00:27:00.003-04:00

how to be uncool: walk into a dark room and jump when you see a white robe laying on a chair. you know there are no such things as ghosts. but still. you consider running out of the room like a girl. <--- girls run fast.

how to regain your cool: yank the robe off the chair and throw it on the ground. then give it a kick. like a karate kid kick. the kind danielsan did in the first karate kid movie. not the kind he did when he was booted off of dancing with the stars.

sometimes randomness is the only way to illustrate that you're returning to your blog. or it could be like the uncomfortable silence that occurs when you're in a group and ~~you~~ someone passes the loud gas.

either way, here i am.

also. i'm (vintageumbrella on etsy) sponsoring a giveaway on my kimmy kim kim's blog. it's for a vintage donkey salt and pepper shaker set. anyone like shaking ass?

ps. i can say ass because i mean donkey. plus. it's in the bible. i'm a family friendly blog. unless i'm talking about vasectomies. idk. you should be monitoring your children!

this isn't a "new year's resolutions/year in review" post. but i do mention my addiction to veronica mars. she's so cool. kidney stones are not.

2011-01-02T19:01:00.004-05:00

i'd tell you what my new year's resolutions are. but they're probably the same as yours. i will slow down on carbs. i will exercise. i will drink more water. i will stop spraying the neighbor's cat with the water hose. etc etc.

and. i'd tell you where i've been the last few months. but seriously. no one wants to hear about how often i sit on the pot. so that leaves me with netflix and veronica mars. and kidney stones.

i watched all three seasons of veronica mars in like one week. and i can't believe they just stopped the show like that. she's the reason i asked for a stun gun this christmas. i had visions of stunning random people on the streets. alas. so did my hubby. which is why he got me a hammer instead.

go figure.

anyway. a few months ago, my hubby escorted me to the emergency department for pain control related to a kidney stone the size of a strawberry. or maybe it was the size of a strawberry seed. in any case, there was a lot of screaming and crying. not to worry. my girls ended up having a great time with the babysitter.

this was not my first kidney stone. which is why i didn't save it. i did, however, the year before, save my first. unfortunately, i didn't have a strainer when it came out. so. yeah. i dipped my hand into the toilet and picked it out.

don't make a big deal out of it, folks. urine is sterile. also. i don't have water saving toilets or elbow gloves which is why i free handed it.

so up until now, my first stone remained lost amongst my belongings. i have no idea why i put it with my earplugs and ipod accessories. maybe because it looks like a shark's tooth. see?

well. it *looked* like a shark's tooth. now it just looks like garlic powder. see the thing is. i've got some bad pms. and this month's insanity led me to smash the stone with my hammer. and by smash, i mean rest the hammer head gently. it's not a two million volt rechargeable pink stun gun. but still. isn't it the most beautiful hammer?

my hubby says veronica mars could never pull off a floral hammer the way i do. bam! and check one off of my resolution list: i will forgive my hubby for not buying me a stun gun.

even my own family thinks i'm chinese. and just for the record, i'm not.

2010-09-16T23:43:00.005-04:00

i was at epcot this past weekend. i like it the best out of all the disney parks. except. when i'm there, people tend to think that i'm chinese. maybe it's because of all the drunks. seriously.

well wait. they think i'm chinese when we're at the magic kingdom, too - but only on the "it's a small world" ride. but of course. that ride is quite intoxicating.

anyhaokailan, there was this one couple. the wife was trying to take her hubby's photo. and being the ~~nosy~~ sweet person that i am, i offered to take a picture of the two of them together. and this is what happened.

me: would you like me to take a picture of both of you?
woman: no no. i just wanted a picture of him and the monorail.
me: ohhh. ok then.
man: thank you though! xie xie!
me: um. i'm not chinese.

i couldn't make this stuff up even if i wanted to. i mean. i could. but apparently. there's really no need.

so today. i opened li'l tot's backpack after school to check her "teacher/parent communication folder". (it's my favorite thing to do on the drive home. specifically at red lights. mainly because i'm ~~too impatient to wait until we're home to properly go through the folder~~ a great mom who craves and seeks knowledge blah blah blah.) guess what i found. i'll tell you. because you'll never guess.

a letter. a letter that said mrs. etc etc is "currently teaching your child english as a second language (esol) strategies". um. hahahaahhahhaahha! wait. what? green light.

wouldn't you know it. i didn't hit any other red lights on the way home. i had to wait a whole seven minutes before i could read the letter again.

probably tomorrow (or not), i intend on asking the school what specific strategies are being taught to li'l tot. i mean. english is her first language. but if they can incorporate the word "dude" into her vocabulary, i'm not going to complain.

also. while we were at epcot this weekend. the same day as the "xie xie" incident. i got a henna tattoo. it's gorgeous. li'l tot and baby got henna tattoos, as well. this information is not as random as it may seem. because while i was getting my artwork, this happened.

awesome henna artist: did you teach your children your language?
me: i tried at first. but it's hard.
awesome henna artist: same with me. they only speak english.
li'l tot: ni hao! ni hao!
me: that's good, (li'l tot). but we're not chinese.

we're gonna need to watch more dora around here.

i'm just gonna call this what it is: giveaway winner post. well now. that was refreshing.

2010-08-28T14:15:00.005-04:00

i love to eat. but sometimes chewing just gets in the way. that's just a little food for thought before i get on to announcing the winner of my lemon kissed giveaway.

and the winner is:

yay! congratulations, skooks! you get your choice of any pair of earrings from lemon kissed on etsy! i'll get your info over to shauna and you two can work out the details. i'm just the middle whoaman. also. i wish my middle fit my jeans better.

for those who played and didn't win (macey), don't be sad (macey). i bet you win next time (macey)! yay!

(please disregard any information you may see contained in parentheses. unless you're macey.)

earrings increase your iq by thirty percent. this hasn't been scientifically proven, but why take the chance. aka giveaway 20.

2010-08-19T21:41:00.010-04:00

this giveaway is over.
this giveaway is over.
this giveaway is over.

remember how i told you to come back today because i was going to host a giveaway? if you answered yes, you may continue to the next paragraph now. if you answered no, chances are you didn't read my post yesterday. or. maybe you weren't wearing earrings.

so my friend shauna decided to open up a second etsy store and fill it with sylvester stallone memorabilia. when i told her it wouldn't be a good idea, she opted to go with earrings.

of course, i had to strongly discourage her from displaying her product on poster pictures of rambo. seriously. who's going to relate to a sweaty man wearing pretty earrings in the middle of the jungle? exactly. i am so wise beyond my years.

lemon kissed is filled with "simple earrings for fun people". my dear friends, that's all of you. because i know without a doubt that dull people aren't reading my blog. senile, more than likely. but dull? no way.

there are petite sweet stud earrings. and swanky playful dangle earrings. bold colors. classic colors. etc etc. and i like them all ~~even though none are named after me~~.

so if your ears are bored, grab a pair (or ten) of earrings from lemon kissed. shauna accepts custom orders and shipping is always free.

and. while you're mulling over how many pairs of earrings you need, take a minute and enter my giveaway. one lucky reader will win their choice of any pair of earrings from lemon kissed!

this giveaway is open world-wide. all you have to do to enter is:

visit lemon kissed online. then come back and leave a comment. let me know which pair of earrings you'd pick if you win. this is the only mandatory step and it gives you one entry.
if you blog about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the blog link. your blog post must link back to this giveaway post. once the post is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
if you twitter about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the twittered link. your tweet must link back to this giveaway post. and it should also include my twitter username "@wendiwinn". once the tweet is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once. (if you don't have twitter - and if you're my friend on facebook - i'll accept this entry as a link on your wall.)
if you favorite/heart lemon kissed on etsy, leave a separate comment letting me know you did so (or are already). this will give you one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
if you purchase something from lemon kissed on etsy, leave a separate comment letting me know you did so. once the purchase is verified, this will give you ten more entries. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
leave a safe way for me to contact you. if i can't contact you, you can't win.

so go ahead and play. win an awesome pair of earrings from lemon kissed and on friday, august 27, 2010 at 11:03pm est, i will use my bubble gum cage to select the winner. giveaway winner must reply to my contact within two days. otherwise, i will eat the original winning gumball and roll the cage again.

and now for the fine print. it's more small print than fine. contest starts as soon as this is posted. it ends at 11:02pm on friday, august 27, 2010 est. one entry per person - unless you participate in the optional additional steps. in that case, you'll get a maximum of 14 entries. if you do not follow the rules, i may still publish your comment (but not until the giveaway is over). it just won't count as an entry. psh, i'm tough. chances of winning depend on the number of entries. raise your chances of winning by not telling anyone. lower your chances by telling everyone you know. this contest is open to you - whether i know you or not. this is my 20th giveaway. if i have a positive response, i'll have more giveaways to bring you back. if i don't have a positive response, i'll still have more giveaways to bring you back. by entering this giveaway, you agree to abide by the rules i've stated or not stated. and i can change the rules whenever i please. it's a woman's prerogative. this is a simple - but totally awesome giveaway without review. i did not receive anything else - monetary or otherwise. this lovely post you just read is comprised of my own personal opinions. i say what i want, yo.

despite my absence lately, the news of me touring with willie nelson is all rumor. same goes for whatevs you heard about me getting my cheeks lifted.

2010-08-18T23:04:00.004-04:00

i'm back. i missed you. you missed me more. yada yada yada. i smell like bacon.

my friend shauna surprised me today with bacon soap. so obviously, i used it almost immediately. and since then, my dog has tried to gnaw on my leg. and my hubby has licked my arm.

also. the thing i just said about my dog was a fib for illustration purposes. and my hubby only licked my arm because i asked him to do so. i didn't think he would. but he's playing starcraft and my arm was blocking the monitor. i suppose he really had no choice.

anywhattheheckisazergcocoon, the soap is awesome. and i love it. of course, if you throw me outside in the heat-index-of-103-degrees weather we've been having lately, i'm not sure people are going to appreciate my scent. after all, my theory is this. smelling delicious doesn't mean smelling pretty. and. nobody likes soggy bacon. or pickled pigs feet.

don't you wish shauna would send you something? well. she just might if you come back tomorrow and enter the giveaway i'm hosting for her new shop: lemonkissed (on etsy).

meanwhile. if you're itching for a giveaway, try entering the one my friend kimmy kim kim is having.

see you tomorrow!

watch out sleeping beauty, there's a train coming.

2010-07-26T15:08:00.003-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. my girls had shrimp and linguine for lunch. they only ate about half their meal. probably because i let them have dessert first. being the world's awesomest mom is a gift. and a curse.

for dessert, my girls assembled fruit tarts from sugar cookies. cream cheese icing. cherry pie filling. fresh strawberries. mandarin orange slices. and crushed pineapple.

it was sweet. as in the taste. and the slang terminology for amazing.

but wait. that's not it. add in the high carb lunch and right this minute, i've got baby passed out on the floor taking a nap. unfortunately, li'l tot is jumping on the couch and swatting imaginary flies. all while making train noises.

which brings us back to the gift and the curse thing.

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

that was a long time ago. you'll see what i mean.

2010-07-21T21:39:00.005-04:00

my mother was a single mother from the time i was eight months old until i turned 22 years old. she escaped from viet nam at the closing of the war with me in her arms. there was a brief stopover in guam (before heading to camp pendleton in california) where she handed me over to an american soldier so that she could stand in line to get rice. she felt confident that if anything happened, she'd be able to find me again because of the birthmark on my right hand.

the above paragraph, my friends, is just the start of background information for character development. because my mother is a total ~~character~~ hero straight from a bestseller. not unlike myself. also. as i type this out, i have no birthmark on my right hand. ahem.

my mother studied the language, juggled school, and raised an incredibly amazing daughter (that would be me. take a clue.) in what was to her, a foreign country. she dealt with divorce from my estranged father. she re-married a wonderful man. but she also mourned over my step-father's terminal illness and inevitably, his death. and just recently, she became a breast cancer survivor.

these days, my mother enjoys long walks on the beach, lifetime movies and fine dining at any local chinese all-you-can-eat buffet.

and every so often. like once a month. she comes and visits ~~so i can throw my girls at her and play on facebook for hours at a time~~. and when she stops by, she brings me goodies.

don't think lavish gifts. in fact, what she brings is more along the lines of shampoo/conditioner samples. and "bed bath & beyond" coupons. and feminine products (help me). and my favorite of all - magazines.

and i figure with all she's been through and all that she's done for me, she deserves a little leeway. because, you see. the magazines she brings me. well. they all tend to look like this.

and a close up shot of the magazine publication date...

man. i can't wait to find out what happens to jon & kate.

if real wheels were made out of cucumbers, we wouldn't get very far.

2010-07-19T21:58:00.005-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. it's also still summer. which means we make our meals without official themes. aka. i do whatever i want. aka. nothing new here.

i constructed a scooter out of pretzel sticks, string cheese, pepperoni, cucumber, chive spread and a green olive. at one point, i had a gummy bear riding the scooter. he fell off. into my mouth.

i filled my newly acquired puzzle dishes with the scooter ingredients. and that's what the girls had for their snack.

also. have you ever seen "on the waterfront"? you know how marlon brando goes "i scooter been a contender." heh heh heh. blasted summer. help me.

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

idaho. the state. not the derogatory comment associated with street walkers.

2010-07-08T00:24:00.004-04:00

you all know my friend kimmy kim kim, right? of course you do. she's famous! mainly because i talk about her all the time. or at least i've mentioned her once or twice. i mean. that's all it takes.

so kim lives the glamorous life. she uses bleach on everything. she prefers plastic knives to plungers. and she often travels to exotic locations - like this year's journey to idaho. hold your jealousy for just a minute. i'll let you know when you can unleash it.

see. last year, kim went back to her home state of alaska. and being the great friend that she is, she sent me some gifts that are completely authentic to alaska. dirty snow and moose poop. <--- that's not how i felt. that's what she sent.

and this year, keeping to her indisputable reputation for getting the best gifts ever, she sent me this.

you may now let loose your jealousy.

also. after seeing what potato poop looks like, it's plain to see that potatoes can't be vegetables. i mean. those are some majorly constipated bits. still. quite delish.

ps. if you like kimmy kim kim's gifts, check out the giveaway she's got going on right now. it's not poop. but it's guaranteed to scare the crap out of a dung beetle.

there's really no telling if all my toes are in the right spots. or even if i have all my toes.

2010-07-07T00:57:00.003-04:00

i've wanted these for a while. vibram fivefingers. i wonder why they're called fingers. because they're obviously for the toes. idk. i can't stop looking at my awesome feet to go browsing for an explanation.

my fivefingers sprints are made for pretty much everything. running. climbing. yoga. etc.

and as you can see by my pictures, they're also made for water sports. yes. i consider standing very still on the beach a water sport. look at that huge wave crash into my foot! (insert thunderous sound effect complete with possible spit.) it's a complete marvel that i'm still standing up. must be the the "enhance(d) grip" from the "razor siped" rubber sole. is that how athletes talk?

anypedi, lisa over at two bears farm blogged about these last week. and whilst i was reading her fantastic post, my hubby walked past. and he was all. what are those? and i was all. only the best thing since ~~immodium~~ lactose free ice cream. and then he was all. well let's get you some!

so now i'm all like. is anyone going to blog about their new lexus, mercedes, bmw, etc anytime soon?

is it really so odd that i have a bar of soap for different parts of my body?

2010-07-06T09:46:00.003-04:00

i buy soap from my friend dee over at barefoot bath and body. and despite the name, there are no pictures of bare feet. whew.

this post was brought to you by leigh of "leigh vs. laundry" and her "happiness project".

a princess doesn't waste her time eating veggies. especially when the queen won't even prepare them.

2010-07-05T16:34:00.004-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. and there was no official theme for today. in fact, for the rest of the summer, there are no official themes. it's a free for all. so today. i did what i know best. i made a royal muffin tin lunch.

i'm not saying i come from royalty, mind you. i'm just saying cooking can be ~~a royal pain in the butt~~ exhausting sometimes. which is why pre-prepared foods totally rock.

the girls had princess chicken noodle soup. mini saltines with liver cheese crown cutouts. and a chessman cookie. and all in my awesome vintage square muffin tins.

also. i reminded my girls that they're not allowed to date until they're married. that has nothing to do with today's lunch. it's just something i tell them now and then and pretty much weekly.

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

sunday snippets.

2010-07-04T20:33:00.002-04:00

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

---

me: that's just gross.
hubby: unless you want to use it as a toy. here. kick me, woman.
me: will you wear these leg warmers?

---

me: (li'l tot), what did you just say?
li'l tot: i don't remember. you know i don't remember because they're big words.
---

the end. have a great week! and a great 4th!

i don't like the beach because of the sand. so it obviously makes sense for me to buy sand by the bag.

2010-07-02T22:19:00.005-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles - summer supplements. it's where i show you what i bought. and how said item was used for summertime fun. because i know you're all so curious about my life. bunch o' stalkers.

today: there's no need to avoid this yellow sand.

items purchased: 14 - 2lb bags of art sand.

the story: once during this past school year, li'l tot came home with a tiny tube of sand art. she explained the intricate procedure as to how she created the project. and then she requested we work on some of our own sand art. my answer was pretty simple: one day. (in your dreams.)

well last week, i happened upon a teacher's garage sale. she had craft supplies out the wazoo. (wazoo. that'd be french for... garage.) there was paint. glue. glitter. craft sticks. stickers. and behold. there was sand. lots of sand. colorful sand. sand i wish hadn't been there.

alas. it sat there calling my name. mommy! mommy! first of all. i was shocked sand could talk. and secondly, hey. i figure i might could be on oprah with talking sand. so. i bought a bag. or two. or fourteen. and teacher lady gave me a couple of wee teeny funnels.

when i got home, i called li'l tot and baby out to see what i had. oh the joy in their faces when they saw the sand. and oh the fear in my face when i realized those wee teeny funnels weren't going to do anything for me. or my kitchen floor.

so i immediately introduced the girls to thinking outside the box. and i had them create sand art - inside their sand box. word.

cost for item: 25cents/bag.

your reaction: you think i'm the coolest mom around. and you wish you were one of my kids. (your reaction will never change. so you can skip this part come next week.)

it used to take me a minute to run the numbers online. but noooooo. i had to get all fancy. still. forty-five minutes of prep work is so worth it.

2010-07-01T23:28:00.007-04:00

i've been around folks. and not in the lady-of-the-night kind of way. i'm talking about i've seen giveaway winner posts and how hosts are coming up with the coolest ways of picking winners.

well, welcome to the club! <---- this is directed at me.

i found this vintage bingo ball cage last week while i was out on my garage sale ventures. you want to know how much it was? of course you do. it was a whole dollar. yes. but this isn't about that. sort of. this is about me picking a winner for my latest giveaway - a customized print from lemon drop studio.

so the ball cage didn't come with any numbered balls. but donnafriend had the perfect solution. using gumballs. gum balls. gumballs. gum balls. idk. i can't decide if that's one word or two.

i numbered a bunch of gumballs. and then separated and packed them into groups of ten. this will help me with my future giveaway winner picking. unless i eat a gumball.

there were 85 valid entries for this giveaway. plop those 85 balls into the cage.

turn turn turn.

and the winner is kari! congrats kari!

for those who played and didn't win, don't be sad. i bet you win next time! yay!

finally. world domination is so close i can smell it. or. it could be the sauce i have simmering.

2010-06-30T00:02:00.005-04:00

the secret is in the sauce, people. and right now, i'm the ~~noodles~~ ~~meatball~~ main dish. eat me up. because i definitely don't belong in anyone's tupperware. unless it's your grandma's vintage tupperware. then i'm ok with that. retro is totally in. and just for today, so am i.

check this out. i'm the featured blogger on the blogging community smartly titled "the secret is in the sauce" (aka "sits"). and their secret to success is support. no. not that kind. there are no wires, cups, gels, elastics, etc involved. i'm talking about the other kind of support. the kind where you read blogs and pat the author on her back by commenting. comments keep the world spinning. word.

so if you're a regular visitor, hey. thanks for coming back. and if you're new here, thanks for stopping by. also. i like you. all of you. i'd hug you. but i don't like to touch.

have a look around. lemme know what you think. i've got an "about me" button at the top of my blog. also i've got some other fun stuff up there like my garage sale chronicles and my running diaries. and if you feel like reading a couple posts, here are some of my favorites.

1. i saw a lady spit and my arm touched a portable potty. being a princess is tough.
2. i'm going to try to blame this on pregnancy. even though i'm not pregnant.

3. i remember my prom night like it was three nights ago.

hope you enjoyed your time here. please do come back. i'll bake you cookies on your next visit here. and when i say bake, what i mean is - just go ahead and google your favorite type of cookies and view the images. you're welcome. and thank you.

ps. i'm currently hosting a giveaway. won't you enter? and also. i'd really appreciate your help in picking out a fabric for my teletable. not to be confused with teletubbie.

i think i'm talking to one of the little guys on my shoulder. unfortunately, it's my left shoulder.

2010-06-29T08:13:00.006-04:00

today is my 14th anniversary.

i'm thankful for my hubby. and my girls. and the lord has truly blessed me. life just gets better everyday.

except. i do kinda wish i had my 1996 body again.

this post was brought to you by leigh of "leigh vs. laundry" and her "happiness project".

does this fabric make my butt look fat?

2010-06-28T23:59:00.002-04:00

i found this amazing telephone chair this weekend. and i have the perfect place for it. no, not outside on my driveway. it was only put out there for a cleaning. poor thing had dust galore. scratches and scrapes. and even some burn marks. i bet it heard some stories in its day.

also. while it was outside, i sat on it for a bit and waved to my passing neighbors. then i did the whole surfer wave thing to my ear and told them to call me. my phone has been ringing off the hook. unfortunately, it's just from me calling myself to make sure the phone is working properly.

this is the thing. while i love the chair, the seat cover is worn and smelly. and it's a vomity green yellow brown spotty color. so i want to re-cover it. i picked out a couple fabrics that i like. but i just can't decide which one to use. will you please help me?

don't worry about what my house looks like. or what my style is. or which fabric matches my wall colors. i mean dude. my house is a circus. so really, any fabric will fit. the choices are blue toile, red floral, white butterfly, and brown paisley.

i added a poll on the side of my blog. it'd be great if you would vote for your favorite. and near the end of the month, when the poll closes, i'll re-cover the chair in the fabric with the most votes. i hope i get more than 50 35 six votes.

thanks for helping me. you're my favorite.

sunday snippets.

2010-06-27T16:05:00.002-04:00

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

---

hubby: whoa! mommy likes to drive fast. she thinks this car is a minivan.

---

li'l tot: you can be on the bad team with (baby).
me: noooo! i don't want a bad team!
li'l tot: don't worry. nobody's going to die.

---

me: *reading out loud.* this is the perfect time to...
li'l tot: to panic? everybody panic!

---

the end. have a great week!

and boy do i ever have a nickname for that grandma.

2010-06-26T15:08:00.003-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: i'm handling this situation by shakin' it right off.

there are estate sale signs around here. they're painted red. they're made by a specific group. and the sales are run by a specific woman. i'm pretty sure the people working for her call her meemaw. or something that starts with an "m" or a "b". in any case, to protect her identity, i'll call her meanmaw. i am so awesome with covert names.

she doesn't like me. for real. ask donnafriend. she'll tell you. the old lady is hateful to me.

anywrinkle, i'm boycotting her sales. i mean. yeah, garage saling is like a drug to me. but who wants 70 year old acid and the bad taste that it leaves? am i right? yeah i am. also. i've never done illegal drugs. i just like to use that word. acid. it makes me giggle.

(pictured are three vintage handles i purchased from meanmaw's estate sale a couple weeks ago. li'l tot asked me to find handles to make maracas. and i thought these would be perfect. too bad meanmaw wasn't around when her great great great great idk grandson gave them to me for a dollar.)

i cleaned out the laundry room. not to be confused with "i cleaned the laundry room". nor with "i did the laundry".

2010-06-25T19:16:00.008-04:00

today: 45 minutes of dirty fun. and all in the laundry room, too.

item purchased: a scrapbooking case filled with 36+ stamps, 9 paints, 3 stencils, and 2 stamp pads.

the story: it's hot here. like mascara melt hot. so yesterday, instead of scheduling play dates or traipsing around (insert random theme park, zoo, playground, etc), i thought it'd be best to just hang together. inside.

so i unpacked the case (see item purchased) and laid it all out on the laundry room floor. then i called my girls and told them to have at it. i invited them to paint the walls. no holds barred. and boy, they sure did obey. plus. they went the extra mile and painted their hands and feet, too.

in the end, my girls created a beautiful mural that i'll keep forever. i took a bunch of pictures and i may just frame a couple and hang them up to remind my girls of the special day. and also to remind them of the mess they made and how it took me 30 minutes just to get the paint off their little bodies. it's best for when i'm old and i ~~tinkle on myself~~ dribble drool a little. ~~guilt~~ fond memories will have me cleaned up in no time. i hope.

cost for item: one dollar.

your reaction: you think i'm the coolest mom around. and you wish you were one of my kids. (your reaction will never change. so you can skip this part come next week.)

someday my prints will come. now that's a song worth teaching my girls. aka giveaway 19.

2010-06-23T16:16:00.011-04:00

THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER.
THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER.
THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER.

we're in the middle of remodeling. so everything that belongs to my girls has been squished into the living room. there's no where to sit. there's barely room to walk. you'd think this would be an inconvenience.

on the contrary, this is the perfect time to add more stuff. i'll buy a little this and a little that and just shove it into one of the existing stacks or piles. i've also been squeezing items in between the deconstructed bed and shelves.

my hubby will sometimes do a double take. but the great thing about that is, he won't ask if anything is new. because that'd mean admitting he didn't know what the girls have in the first place. or maybe he's just scared to find out how much i've purchased in the last few months. either way. he's a smart man, i tell you.

so a few weeks ago, my good friend shauna over at lemon drop studio (on etsy) asked me if she could send me a couple of personalized prints. one for each girl. all i would have to do in return is (1) pick which print. (2) pick the colors. (3) pick the font. (4) let her follow me around and pretend she's part of my normal paparazzi entourage. check, check, check, and i suppose we'll have to schedule a time for her to do that.

i picked a butterfly print for li'l tot and a dragonfly print for baby. both pink and white. and both with the bella font. sweet and dainty. just like my girls. also. i could have easily decided on the t-rex. loud and rowdy. again, just like my girls.

the prints arrived quickly. and. they were packaged perfectly in a protective cello sleeve with a stiff board. that's what she said. no really, shauna uses those exact words in some of her listings. i just copied them.

the prints are well made and absolutely fitting for my girls' new rooms. and the best thing about the items at lemon drop studio are that they're absolutely fitting for anyone. customization is what all the cool kids are doing. and shauna is totally cool. otherwise, i wouldn't have agreed to stipulation number four.

want your own customized print (or invite or silhouette or anything cool)? i bet you do. now's your chance to grab something from lemon drop studio because for a limited time (until july 1, 2010), shipping is free with the code wendiwinn.

and you know what else? right now on my blog, i'm having a giveaway! one lucky reader will win their very own customized 5x7 print! (any sized print in shauna's shop can be made into a 5x7 size. frame not included.)

this giveaway is open world-wide. all you have to do to enter is:

visit lemon drop studio online. then come back and leave a comment. let me know which print you'd pick if you win. this is the only mandatory step and it gives you one entry.
if you blog about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the blog link. your blog post must link back to this giveaway post. once the post is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
if you twitter about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the twittered link. your tweet must link back to this giveaway post. and it should also include my twitter username "@wendiwinn". once the tweet is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once. (if you don't have twitter - and if you're my friend on facebook - i'll accept this entry as a link on your wall.)
if you favorite/heart lemon drop studio on etsy, leave a separate comment letting me know you did so (or are already). this will give you one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
if you fan/like lemon drop studio on facebook, leave a separate comment letting me know you did so (or are already). this will give you one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
if you follow shauna on her lemon drop studio blog, leave a separate comment letting me know you did so (or are already). this will give you one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
if you purchase something from lemon drop studio on etsy, leave a separate comment letting me know you did so. once the purchase is verified, this will give you ten more entries. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
leave a safe way for me to contact you. if i can't contact you, you can't win.

so go ahead and play. win an awesome print from lemon drop studio and on thursday, july 1, 2010 at 11:03pm est, i will use ~~the random number generator~~ something to select the winner. giveaway winners must reply to my contact within two days. otherwise, i will visit the ~~random number generator~~ something again.

and now for the fine print. it's more small print than fine. contest starts as soon as this is posted. it ends at 11:02pm on thursday, july 1, 2010 est. one entry per person - unless you participate in the optional additional steps. in that case, you'll get a maximum of 16 entries. if you do not follow the rules, i may still publish your comment (but not until the giveaway is over). it just won't count as an entry. psh, i'm tough. chances of winning depend on the number of entries. raise your chances of winning by not telling anyone. lower your chances by telling everyone you know. this contest is open to you - whether i know you or not. this is my 19th giveaway. if i have a positive response, i'll have more giveaways to bring you back. if i don't have a positive response, i'll still have more giveaways to bring you back. by entering this giveaway, you agree to abide by the rules i've stated or not stated. and i can change the rules whenever i please. it's a woman's prerogative. this is a review in conjunction with a giveaway. i received the mentioned items complimentary and specifically for review. i did not receive anything else - monetary or otherwise. i was not required to write a positive review. this lovely post you just read is comprised of my own personal opinions. i say what i want, yo.

i remember my prom night like it was three nights ago.

2010-06-21T00:07:00.013-04:00

i went out friday night. because mommyologist decided to host a prom. (which i found out about via lisa over at two bears farm. i'm her chicken's godmother. anyway.) the theme was "mom sexy prom". i sure am glad my high school prom theme wasn't the same as that.

basically, mommyologist sent out a challenge (to moms) to dress up in something we don't get to wear everyday. something that makes us feel sexy. participation in this sort of thing isn't the norm for me. however, as with any prom, there will be a mom sexy prom queen. i'm not too concerned with the title. but there's no doubt i want a tiara. and that's what mommyologist is sending to the winner.

so i got all dressed up in my favorite dress (which i've worn only once prior). put on some silly bandz. added a touch of glittery purple toenail polish and matching mascara. and jumped off my dock (into the grass, not the water. i haven't completely lost it. yet). because, to me, sexy is about having fun. also. yes, i have no shoes on. and while i've said it several times before, i'll say it again. my feet are fine. it's yours i have a problem with.

after my jumping spree, i washed my feet and decided i was going to have a talk with my neighbor about picking up after his dogs. then i went to meet my date for the evening. that would be vanessafriend. she wants to win mom sexy prom queen, too. she probably will. because i'm so pathetic. <--- portraying low self esteem in order to get the pity vote thereby raising my chances of winning.

we started the evening out at the theatre. and i can spell it that way because they had a doorman. we saw the foreign film classic: karate kid (with jackie chan and jaden smith). i really liked the movie, to my surprise. especially the parts where they were speaking in chinese and not translating it onto the screen. vanessafriend wanted to know what they were saying so i translated for her. in short, they were shouting out the ingredients to special dragon moo goo gai pan. hold your gasps. i'm allowed to make jokes like this because of my ancestry.

we enjoyed fine dining, too. i had a bacon wrapped filet mignon. aka. the baconator from wendy's. vanessafriend ordered fries which she intended on dipping into a chocolate frosty. she was completely sober.

we also went to barnes & noble. what kind of prom would it be without books? exactly. plus. it was the only place still open at 10pm. don't rub your eyes. i wrote the time down correctly. everything closes at dusk here.

and there you have it. my mom sexy prom night. it was a blast. speaking of which. i should have told wendy's to hold the cheese.

sunday snippets.

2010-06-20T01:12:00.002-04:00

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

---

me: i need to put on makeup really fast so i don't scare anyone.
li'l tot: why you scare people?
me: well. i need a little bit of makeup so i'm pretty.
li'l tot: oh.
me: you're supposed to say "you're always pretty mommy".
li'l tot: nah.

---

li'l tot: *singing to self.* cut the cheese. maybe not.

---

me: good. i'm glad you see what i'm talking about now.
hubby: i never win.

---

kimmy kim kim: no one is entering my giveaway.
me: i'll put it on my blog.

---

the end. have a great week!

don't be silly. of course, there's no circulation in my arm. but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to be cool.

2010-06-19T18:06:00.003-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: all the cool kids are doing it.

my friend's mother got an iphone this week. and then there was a whole thread on facebook about how everyone has one. and how if you don't have one, you're totally uncool. and unfortunately. i fell into the uncool category.

well not anymore people. because now, i have silly bandz. take that iphone owners!

silly bandz are shaped rubber bracelets. and i found them at a garage sale yesterday. in fact, i purchased over 400. which pretty much translates into an iphone 3gs.

and then today, donnafriend went back to the same garage sale and bought me another 700. what? i'm not about to sit here with a 3gs when i can upgrade to an iphone 4.

also. i had to google "iphone" to get their model names. mainly because i don't know anything about them. other than they're made by apple. i have an apple silly bandz. if i squish it just right, it looks like a camera. bam!

speaking of apples. you know how sometimes i throw food out the window? you can just take my word for it if you're too lazy to click on the link. well. there was this turtle and donnafriend dug through the trash and told me to throw her apple core at it. you know. so as to provide fruit for it. not to knock it out cold.

so i threw the apple core at it. and i was just a tad off. like by about 4 feet. mainly because i was holding a fully eaten apple (that was not eaten by me) and also because the silly bandz were cutting off my circulation. plus. i was holding a fully eaten apple (that was not eaten by me). that counts twice.

i may have the stylings of an eighty-four year old. but watch me shake it like a polaroid.

2010-06-15T11:30:00.003-04:00

my hubby won't let me get butt implants. so i bought this fanny pack instead. and i can already see where it's probably a more practical purchase.

this post was brought to you by leigh of "leigh vs. laundry" and her "happiness project".

ps. wanna know more about the ruffle pack? i wrote about them on the "oh i love that" blog.

drinks are on me. but only if i'm using them for sterilizing purposes.

2010-06-12T22:39:00.004-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: sober is beautiful.

last week at this one estate sale, the lady collecting the payments kept looking up at me. now. that's not exactly unusual. people gawk at me all the time. sometimes they point, too. i don't mind just so long as they don't touch.

anyway. the lady was helping another person when she just blurted this out.

"i'm sorry. you're just the most beautiful person. you just so beautiful." and repeat.

first of all, yeah she was talking to me. and secondly, tell me something i don't know. i think the lady may have been missing her glasses. her seeing glasses. and i believe the house she had set up may have been missing its glasses. its shot glasses.

moving on.

at the next estate sale, i found this amazing vintage decanter (see picture). it held rum. and i know this because the owner stuck a label on it with the word "rum". plus. there was still rum in it. and quite a good amount.

i swirled the bottle while i stood in line to buy it. i may have also mentioned to passers-by that i was parched. don't worry, folks. because when i got out to the car, donnafriend took the bottle from me and emptied it onto the ground.

apparently, she didn't want me to tell her she was the most beautiful person.

if you're really quiet, you can hear the ice cream melt. if it had time to melt, that is.

2010-06-10T21:21:00.001-04:00

...
...
...
...
...
...
...

there was complete silence. and that's how it was for three minutes while we were eating ice cream tonight. until li'l tot requested seconds. dude. for another three minutes of peace? you bet.

i usually buy the lactose free ice cream for myself. it's too bad that it adds on more weight than any other ice cream. mainly because it doesn't cause me to go potty something fierce thereby retaining all the calories. i mean. usually it's eat two scoops of regular ice cream, lose one scoop.

also. magic shell is my favorite. and while it does contain milk, it's not enough to do the trick. weight loss prevention is still in effect.

you're probably not going to eat ice cream anytime soon now. sorry about that. you all come here for the truth. and i speak it. word.

a storm is coming.

2010-06-04T15:52:00.005-04:00

my friend kimmy kim kim insisted that i share a picture of the cake i just made for baby's birthday. which is tomorrow. she'll be two. which is why, when i asked kimmy kim kim what i should title this post as, she said "woah, a storm is coming".

naturally, i figured she meant the terrible two's. but now that i think about it, she probably meant a real storm. mainly because she kept screaming something about thunder and staying away from the windows.

baby rarely goes anywhere without her "snow snow" doll. so i thought it'd make a great topper for her mini cake. it took me a little over an hour to form her toppers from fondant. but when they were done, i was quite pleased with myself. shoot. i'm always pleased with myself.

wish baby a happy birthday. she'll never know. but i just like your comments.

ps. i whited out baby's name on the picture just as i did on li'l tot's cake picture. and for the same reason. she didn't ask to be famous like me.

it's not deja vu. it's not deja vu.

2010-06-02T23:34:00.002-04:00

my latest giveaway for an awesome sample pack of safetytats has come to an end. and i've drawn two winners! also. i almost typed everything twice just to keep in step with the whole "deja vu" post title. but i thought i'd save you the agony of reading everything over. and me the agony of carpal tunnel. it's totally a win-win.

speaking of which.

congrats to dawn and much more than mommy! i'll be contacting you both shortly for your addresses. and when i say shortly, i mean probably tomorrow morning because i'm having trouble keeping my eyes open right now. plus. my well-rested emails are much friendlier than my sleep-deprived ones.

for those who played and didn't win, don't be sad. i bet you win next time! yay!

they didn't eat much of their lunch. could be all the popcorn prior to lunch made them way full. or could be the toys were very distracting.

2010-05-31T13:13:00.004-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. and there was no official theme for today. however, there was chatter about a memorial day theme on the mtm facebook page. unfortunately, i wasn't part of that chatter. man. always the last to know. well. except for when i found out i was pregnant. i was the first to know about that. and both times, too!

so i took my girls to see the fourth (and final) shrek movie this morning. it was hilarious. and even touching. but what made the movie experience really great was that no one had to go potty during it. and that's because i didn't drink much. ahem. what? my bladder's shot. anyway...

it was time for lunch when we got home. and i had originally planned to just do leftovers for today's muffin tin monday. and i still did. except. i put a little twist on it.

the girls had a rumpelstiltskin contract scroll (string cheese). shrek's swamp home (mashed sweet potato with a broccoli stem). slugs and bugs (lobster). and gingy's gladiator animals (animal cookies).

the girls thought the meal was great fun. especially because i left a bunch of shrek toys on the table. also. the toys are now in the sink. because they have sweet potato all in their creases.

yay for muffin tin mondays! to check out all the other participants, click here.

ps. have you entered my giveaway?

leaving a legacy. and a lamp. unless i re-sell it.

2010-05-29T21:44:00.005-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: the ambivalent look for negotiation purposes.

there are so many things i want to teach my children before i die. things like. jesus is the best. daddy rocks. get a good education. and silence is golden.

and when i say silence, i mean only for tactical strategies at garage sales. like this.

me: how much for the lamp?
man: $4
me: *puts it down.*
man: make me an offer!
me: *bites lip, raises eyebrows, makes a humming noise.*
man: how about $3?
me: *takes a deep breath, shrugs shoulders, runs finger along the top of the lampshade.*
man: $2? $2!
me: *takes a step back, tilts head, squints.*
man: $1. how about that! $1!
me: well... i guess. okay.

lessons begin when my oldest has better control of her bladder.

(pictured is a vera bradley java blue candlestick lamp. the very lamp mentioned in the above conversation. bulb included.)

if one of my girls ever gets a nose ring, call me. my number's tattooed on her arm. aka giveaway 18.

2010-05-28T00:07:00.009-04:00

THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER
THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER
THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER

i once entertained the idea of inserting tracking devices into my children. idk. somewhere in the middle of their backs. where they couldn't pry them out in case they found them. because obviously, it'd be a covert operation.

thank goodness for safetytat. the makers of temporary tattoos that can be customized with my contact information in case one of my girls wander off. whew. because i was having a hard time convincing my husband to assist with the tracking device idea. he kept mumbling something about illegal unethical blah blah blah.

safetytat was gracious enough to send me a set of their "original safetytat" child id tattoos - personalized with my cell phone number. (as a precaution, they recommend not listing a child's first name and not listing a home number.) safetytat also included a sample pack of their "quick stick write-on" appliques.

i used both. at the same time. because i'm ~~paranoid~~ an awesome and totally prepared mom. and i wanted to compare the two types of tattoos. besides. my girls thought the extra "ink" was bad to the bone. b-b-b-b-b-bad.

the "original safetytat" was easy to apply. just like the toy tattoos found in vending machines. peel off the transfer sheet. put the tat on the skin. and use a wet towel to saturate the back of the tat until the paper liner slides off. simple. except. i didn't use a wet towel. because that just means extra laundry. what i did was collect a handful of water and drench the tattoo. worked just fine.

the tattoo was clear and easy to read. it lasted about two days and then started to rub off. i used rubbing alcohol to take off the rest. no difficulty at all.

the convenience of the "original safetytat" was that they were personalized. pretty much ready to go. just add water.

the "quick stick write-on safetytat" was easy to apply, too. they're similar to tegaderm. you know. if you've ever been in a hospital or if you've ever watched "grey's anatomy", tegaderm is the sticker that holds down the needle at the iv site. yes it is. i'm a null/void nurse. i know these things. sort of. also. i've never watched "grey's anatomy".

once the "quick stick write-on safetytat" was on, i just took the included pen and wrote my hubby's cell number in the space provided. this part was a bit more complicated. i should not have given my girls sugar because they fidgeted. still, while the numbers written were not perfect, they were legible.

this sticker lasted for five days before one of the corners started to peel. because they're so much like tegaderm, removal should be gentle. while peeling off slowly, i used alcohol to rub between the sticker and the skin so as to avoid pain. there was redness at the site - but that was expected from the peeling process.

the convenience of the "quick stick write-on safetytat" was that i could write whatever i wanted on them. if lost, please call (insert hubby's cell phone - because the personalized tats have my cell phone on them). or. if lost, please call (insert things like "your mama", "anyone but the irs", "donald trump", etc).

i really think the makers over at safetytat are amazing. and i think these tattoos are the best.

wanna try some out? i bet you do. now's your chance to buy some. because for a limited time (until june 11, 2010), if you make a purchase of $15 or more, you can receive 10% off with the code: WendiWinn. that's right!

and you know what else? right now, on my blog, i'm having a giveaway! two lucky readers will win a sample pack of "quick stick write-on" safety tattoos. each pack contains three sturdy tattoos, three skin prep wipes, and a pen.

this giveaway is only open to usa and canada residents. sorry. no overseas entries. your exotic location is just too much for me to handle thereby making you ineligible. i still like you so much.

if you do live in the usa or canada, all you have to do to enter is:

visit safetytat online. then come back and leave a comment. let me know that you want to try these awesome things out. this is the only mandatory step and it gives you one entry.
if you blog about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the blog link. your blog post must link back to this giveaway post. once the post is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
if you twitter about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the twittered link. your tweet must link back to this giveaway post. and it should also include my twitter username "@wendiwinn". once the tweet is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once. (if you don't have twitter - and if you're my friend on facebook - i'll accept this entry as a link on your wall.)
if you "like"/fan safetytat on facebook, leave a separate comment letting me know you did so (or are already). this will give you one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
leave a safe way for me to contact you. if i can't contact you, you can't win.

so go ahead and play. win an awesome sample pack from safetytat and on wednesday, june 2, 2010 at 11:03pm est, i will use the random number generator to select the winner. giveaway winners must reply to my contact within two days. otherwise, i will visit the random number generator again.

and now for the fine print. it's more small print than fine. contest starts as soon as this is posted. it ends at 11:02pm on wednesday, june 2, 2010 est. one entry per person - unless you participate in the optional additional steps. in that case, you'll get a maximum of four entries. if you do not follow the rules, i may still publish your comment (but not until the giveaway is over). it just won't count as an entry. psh, i'm tough. chances of winning depend on the number of entries. raise your chances of winning by not telling anyone. lower your chances by telling everyone you know. this contest is open to you - whether i know you or not. this is my 18th giveaway. if i have a positive response, i'll have more giveaways to bring you back. if i don't have a positive response, i'll still have more giveaways to bring you back. by entering this giveaway, you agree to abide by the rules i've stated or not stated. and i can change the rules whenever i please. it's a woman's prerogative. this is a review in conjunction with a giveaway. i received the mentioned items complimentary and specifically for review. i did not receive anything else - monetary or otherwise. i was not required to write a positive review. this lovely post you just read is comprised of my own personal opinions. i say what i want, yo.

saddle up! and right about now i'm thinking a saddle would've actually been a good idea.

2010-05-26T13:57:00.006-04:00

i have been offered the prestigious position of lead preschool craft teacher for our upcoming vacation bible school. out of all the registrants, i was chosen. anyway. it may be more that i volunteered for whatever and was placed in the only opening left. but potaytoes, potahtoes.

this cow coin pouch will be our first craft. you're impressed. i can tell by the way your eyes are shifting from the picture to my post and back again. and truthfully, i must tell you. i'm a little impressed, too.

i mean. look at my arm. it's so tan! and flawless!

is it a little odd that i'm way excited to see little ones learn about crafts? and how to properly apply glue? and how to string beads from right to left? oh, and about how jesus loves them, too? man. i can't wait.

also. kids scare me. so it might be a good idea to pray for ~~them~~ me.

sunday snippets.

2010-05-23T21:43:00.001-04:00

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

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me: what about (baby)? don't you want to draw her in the picture, too?
li'l tot: ummm. no. because it's all about me.

---

hubby: she promised me!
li'l tot: promises promises, god keeps his promises. promises promises, god keeps his word.

---

li'l tot: *screams really loud.*
me: (li'l tot), girl, please. whatchu doin'?
li'l tot: ahhhh. music to my ears.

---

the end. have a great week!

take a picture. it'll last longer. i think. i haven't purchased new film to test it out.

2010-05-22T21:32:00.006-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: developing friendship.

it's gotten to the point where i recognize people at garage sales. i have nicknames for some of them. i'm sure they have a name for me, too. it's probably something like "she's-married-to-who?" girl.

see. word got out last week who i was married to. donnafriend told a bunch of lingerers. she said she wanted to see the shock on their face. and because she was getting sun burned. anyway. you don't need to worry about that. because this is about something else. i just put it in to build up my whole post. and your curiosity.

so back to recognizing people.

there's this guy *bleep*. he works for a local estate sale company. he's the one i go to if ~~an item i want is ridiculously overpriced or even underpriced because i'm too cheap to pay what they want~~ i want to make a reasonable offer. we've worked out a few good deals. and now. we're pretty much best friends. yesterday's conversation pretty much sealed the deal.

me: heeeey *bleep*.
*bleep*: heeeeeey beautiful! what's going on?
me: nothing. hope there's something good here.
*bleep*: oh yes. and. i bet you went home last week so happy with what you got!
me: you don't know.
*bleep*: i don't know what?
me: you don't know. i didn't see you last week. you have no idea what i bought from you last.
*bleep*: um. ok. you're right. i'm sorry. what was it?
me: the triple light. the week before you went down south. or west east something.
*bleep*: oh yes! in the corner! for your girls!
me: yeah.

also. i'm sure he gave me a great deal on my items because he felt guilty ~~for having no idea who i was~~ for not calling me about this week's sales. and. *bleep*'s name has been omitted for security reasons. or possibly it's because i can never remember it.

(i bought this vintage polaroid camera yesterday. with film included. for one dollar. i tested it out on the spot with donnafriend and the two ladies running the sale. the film is as old as the camera. so it didn't develop. or it could be that donnafriend just doesn't show up in pictures. shock and sunburn, my foot.)

i'd like a substantial nest egg. that's just what came to mind when i saw today's theme.

2010-05-17T21:47:00.003-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. and today's theme was "birds and nests".

summer vacation has started for us, so our schedule is packed. like today. we left to go to the bank. and then i realized i forgot my phone. we had to go back home and get it. so after that, we were on our way to the bank again. and then i realized i forgot my wallet. so we had to go back home and get that. then i decided to skip the bank and just head straight to the mall. and that's just a taste of how busy we are.

which is why the muffin tin meal didn't happen until dinner. the girls had mango curry chicken. pea eggs in a rice nest. and blueberry eggs.

i decided to go with chicken as my bird. of course, that was after the whole debate on whether or not spam was a bird.

after you google spam ingredients (because i know that's what you're doing), check out the other muffin tin monday meals!

who's on first? take a number.

2010-05-15T22:14:00.005-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: entertaining is only fun if you're in on the joke.

there was an estate sale yesterday. donnafriend and i got there one minute before 8am. and there was a line. we figured the doors just hadn't opened yet. well. we were wrong.

as we walked up to the house, a lady (aka nervous bouncer) kindly handed us numbers. 24 & 25 to be exact. um. dude. i have never been given a number at an estate sale before. nevertheless, we figured there must be something mucho exciting in the house for them to be so strict.

so as we stood in line, i figured i'd entertain everyone with my quick wit and obnoxiousness. i saw a house across the street setting up for their own garage sale. so i yelled at everyone at the front of the line.

me: look over there! there's a huge garage sale! look!
people at the front of the line: *look across the street where i'm pointing.*
me: ya'll better get over there!
people at the front of the line: *look again.*

i was also motioning to the people who were actually in the house to open the window so i could crawl in. no luck. can't blame a girl for trying.

by the time donnafriend and i got to the front door, nervous bouncer wouldn't let us both in. because only one person had come out. so what were we to do? well the obvious. i walked right up to the front door and rang the doorbell. three times. maybe four.

voila! ask and ye shall receive. the door opened and we were in. and guess what i found! nothing worth standing line line for. that's what. what a bust.

so after that, we decided to make our way to one of the local church thrift stores.

inside the store, there was a shelf behind the payment counter. and i spotted some cute miniature owls. little did i know, those owls were going to start a modern day abbott & costello routine.

me: oh! those owls are cute! what are they?
lady: fifty cents.
me: no. i mean. what are they?
lady: fifty cents.
me: no no. what are they? what do they do?
lady: oh. they are on the shelf in case someone wants to buy them.
me: um. i know but what are they?
lady: well you know. if someone comes in and they want to buy them. they are for sale.
me: ok. what are they? do they just sit there? are they just tiny statues? what are they?
lady: yes. tiny statues.

show business may be hard. but shopping is way harder.

(pictured is my table set up for summer. everything on the table is from garage sales. items include a vintage george briard ice bucket. vintage homer laughlin fiestaware. ornate porcelain cake plates. vintage anchor hocking berwick glassware.)

you won! and you could win again! also. the "you" may or may not be different.

2010-05-12T15:17:00.003-04:00

dear my life under the bus. i've got you covered! you won my covermate food covers giveaway. i'm going to email you shortly and ask for your mailing address so that you may receive your awesome covermate variety pack.

but wait. that's not all. i'm gonna send you some bubble tape, too. it's because you're terrific. plus. it's a left over pack from when i was way ambitious and thought i could shove 24 feet of it into my mouth.

thanks for playing! your friend. w.

ps. there are other giveaways you could enter. like. you could win a way cool lot of four vintage noisemakers on kearsie's blog: sounds like tomatoes. or. you could win a month's trial at dreambox learning on kimmy kim kim's blog: insanity and bliss. or. you could win earrings on vanessa's blog: much more than mommy.

pps. the "ps" was really for anyone. not just life under the bus. but she doesn't have to know that.

quick! those are the creepiest flowers i've ever seen.

2010-05-10T15:35:00.002-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. and there was no theme. so i thought i'd complete what i started last week. because nothing's better than perfecting the all beef octopus.

lemme catch you up in case you don't want to click on my link. first. you're hurting my feelings. second. this is what happened. i did a beach themed muffin tin. and i wanted to try making an octopus out of a hot dog. but alas. i had none on hand. i did, however, have vienna sausages. i'm going to save you the gruesome imagery and just tell you they don't work.

ah but today, i had what it takes to make what i want. so for snack, we had hot dog octopi. on a bed of grits. corn. and canned pears.

the girls loved their snack. and li'l tot was so excited to figure out the theme. her guess went something like this.

li'l tot: oh mommy! today's muffin tin monday is hot dog flowers!
me: um. um. um. they're octopus.
li'l tot: oh. ohhhhh. octopus. ohhhhh. is this why it took so long to get my food?

and that's where my story ends.

check out the other muffin tin monday trays at muffin tin mom. and do it fast. which apparently is the opposite of me.

sunday snippets.

2010-05-09T19:11:00.003-04:00

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.
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me: but mother's day isn't over yet!
li'l tot: whhhhhhyyyyyy?
---

the end. have a great week!

desperate dimes call for desperate measures.

2010-05-08T23:22:00.004-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: turning your finds into profit. and mansions.

today was a great day. i started out at a few rummage sales. found my way to a couple garage sales. bought an item or two. turned a 100% profit. and ended the morning frolicking through a 19,000 square foot mansion.

see. i saw a piggy bank today. and i thought about buying it for my girls. because it matches their bath set. it cost a quarter. so i picked it up. and it went cha ching cha ching. uh. yeah. i bought the thing.

turns out, it had fifty cents in it. bam. 100% profit.

working off of that high, i then went to an open house for my area's largest mansion. it's going to be auctioned off at the end of the month. minimum bid is one million.

so if i take my earnings from today and invest wisely, i'll be able to buy a pack of gum. and hang out at next week's open house.

i'm living the high life, folks. living the high life!

look up in the sky! it's a bird! it's a plane! it's my alma mater?

2010-05-06T15:10:00.004-04:00

it all started a couple months ago when carriefriend and i were at epcot. we were ~~practically running our strollers furiously over tourists just to get to the next character spot~~ casually walking through the countries and enjoying the sites. and then i heard it for the first time.

a little louder than a whisper. and totally clear as vodka.

"war eagle."

by the fourth time i heard it, i had decided i was going to become an auburn alumni. or more likely, borrow one of carriefriend's auburn tee shirts.

see. apparently, auburn alumni (and/or fans) are pretty hardcore. they'll "war eagle" you while standing in a 40-minute-wait line. and they won't even expect you to let them cut. that's dedication.

so carriefriend gave me a shirt to wear this past weekend (when i went to hollywood studios). and man. i was excited about my auburn experience. i was ready to reciprocate any "war eagle" i received. and lemme tell you. i was ready to receive hundreds.

by the time i left at around 1:30pm, i had gotten exactly 100 "war eagles"! i was shocked. wait. that's weird. how did those two zeros get there? let's start over.

by the time i left at around 1:30pm, i had gotten exactly 1 "war eagle"! i was shocked. and dude. it wasn't even a "war eagle" worth reciprocating. mainly because it went like this.

man: um. did you really go to auburn?
me: *points finger side to side across the word "auburn" on shirt.*

let's just pause for a minute here. did he just ask me if i really went to auburn? do i not look like i went there? i mean. my goodness. they have a college of science and mathematics! look at my picture, folks. i totally look like i could have failed out of science. and mathematics. helloooo. you can't fail unless you attend. holla.

ok. so anyway. the rest of our conversation continued like this.

man: really?
me: it depends. are you gonna give me a "war eagle"?
man: whhhaaaaaaaaaar eagle!
me: thanks.
man: where are you from?
me: here.
man: so you really went all the way to auburn from here?
me: i've got to go. have a good day.

it just might be safe to say that my auburn experience did not go the way i wanted it to go. which means i am soooo keeping the shirt for a redo. plus. i'm getting a pin that says "maybe i did and maybe i didn't. just gimme what i want."

oh snap. werther's candies have cream in them. well that explains a lot.

2010-05-04T15:32:00.004-04:00

i love a filled candy dish. which is why i always have one on my dining room table. also. i wish my girls didn't know this.

this post was brought to you by leigh of "leigh vs. laundry" and her "happiness project". if you wanna play along, all you have to do is post a picture of something that makes you happy. then. you can add your name to her "mr. linky" thingie. check out what makes her happy.

victory against the french. it happened on the beach. that's my version.

2010-05-03T15:18:00.005-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. today's theme is cinco de mayo. so i packed up my girls and went to the beach. because that's where the mexican army defeated the french. also. i should never home school because i end up believing half the stories i make up.

the deal is. last night, i had already decided that we'd go to see grandma - who lives on the beach. so i made up this semi elaborate beach themed muffin tin. in my head. and then i checked to see what today's actual theme was. dude. no worries. i totally made it work.

we had popcorn shrimp. seaweed (green noodles). goldfish crackers. jellyfish sandwich (fish shaped bread with strawberry jelly). a fishing rod (white chocolate covered pretzel stick). and corn.

and just in case you missed that, i said corn. let it sink in a bit. corn! cinco de mayo, corn, cinco de mayo, corn. i know! shooo. i worked it out i'm way awesome. unless corn doesn't count as a cinco de mayo food. but i think it does. so. still awesome, here.

the girls had a blast and ate most of their tins. which by the way, did not include octopus hot dogs. not that i didn't want to make any. i just didn't have any hot dogs on hand. also. vienna sausages do not work. you need to take my word for it.

check out muffin tin mom and see if any of the other moms did a beach theme for cinco de mayo!

ps. i kept the food sand-free by using covermate food covers. click here for my giveaway!

they stretch to fit. unlike my jeans. aka giveaway 17.

2010-05-03T00:01:00.001-04:00

THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER
THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER
THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER

i'm probably like the most popular person when it comes to potlucks. mainly because i bring the best foods. people flock to see the delicious platter in my hands. also. that's all in my head. but. i digress.

while the food i bring may be ~~95% untouched and left for me to bring home~~ for folks with extremely distinguished palates, there's no denying that i've got some great looking serving trays. unfortunately, trays don't come with lids. so i either stuff food in some small container and squish it down with a lid. or i saran wrap the heck out of it.

enter covermate food covers. the "stretch-to-fit food covers". word. great for bowls, dishes, things without lids, and... trays! of course, i haven't had a potluck since i received my variety pack. but i have used a few of the covers.

like one night. i was totally craving chili. don't judge me. and so i heated up a small bowl of it - with a covermate cover. because splatter ain't pretty. and also because i seriously do not like cleaning my microwave. "ideal for splatter-free... reheating... in the microwave." check.

and like another night. i was totally craving a croissant sandwich. i toasted up two. but then i decided it best to just eat one. so i took the leftover one and covered it up. "great for saving leftovers in the refrigerator." check. also. it lasted about 10 minutes there because then i went back and decided it was actually best to eat the other.

and then a few times, i covered one of my prettiest round trays (which is about 15" across). just for practice. because i have ocd. "stretches to fit any shape." check. check. check.

they're really easy to use. and the varying sizes are great. but what i really like about the covermate food covers is that they're reusable. (however, even though they're dishwasher safe, i recommend washing by hand. when i put mine in the dishwasher, they just collected pools of soapy water.)

you can find covermate food covers at a number of retailers as well as online.

but also. you can find them here in my giveaway. one lucky reader will win a covermate variety pack which comes with 4 medium covers, 4 large covers, 2 extra large covers, and a bonus small can cover. that's 11 total covers for those of you with math issues. don't front. you know who you are.

this giveaway is only open to usa residents. sorry. no overseas entries. your exotic location is just too much for me to handle thereby making you ineligible. i still like you so much.

if you do live in the usa, all you have to do to enter is:

leave a comment telling me why you think covermate food covers are neat. this is the only mandatory step and it gives you one entry.
if you blog about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the blog link. your blog post must link back to this giveaway post. once the post is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
if you twitter about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the twittered link. your tweet must link back to this giveaway post. and it should also include my twitter username "@wendiwinn". once the tweet is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once. (if you don't have twitter - and if you're my friend on facebook - i'll accept this entry as a link on your wall.)
leave a safe way for me to contact you. if i can't contact you, you can't win.

so go ahead and play. win this awesome variety pack from covermate food covers and on tuesday, may 11, 2010 at 11:03pm est, i will use the random number generator to select the winner. giveaway winner must reply to my contact within two days. otherwise, i will visit the random number generator again.

and now for the fine print. it's more small print than fine. contest starts as soon as this is posted. it ends at 11:02pm on tuesday, may 11, 2010 est. one entry per person - unless you participate in the optional additional steps. in that case, you'll get a maximum of three entries. if you do not follow the rules, i may still publish your comment (but not until the giveaway is over). it just won't count as an entry. psh, i'm tough. chances of winning depend on the number of entries. raise your chances of winning by not telling anyone. lower your chances by telling everyone you know. this contest is open to you - whether i know you or not. this is my 17th giveaway. if i have a positive response, i'll have more giveaways to bring you back. if i don't have a positive response, i'll still have more giveaways to bring you back. by entering this giveaway, you agree to abide by the rules i've stated or not stated. and i can change the rules whenever i please. it's a woman's prerogative. this is a review in conjunction with a giveaway. i received the mentioned items complimentary and specifically for review. i did not receive anything else - monetary or otherwise. i was not required to write a positive review. this lovely post you just read is comprised of my own personal opinions. i say what i want, yo.

if there's an ad, i'll answer it. like the a-team. but it better be worth my time. like the a-team.

2010-05-01T17:17:00.004-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: beware of false advertisements. and signs. and snack foods.

remember how when someone was in trouble and they'd put an ad in the paper and then the a-team would show up to help? that's what i do every friday. i mean. sure, my ads are in the garage sale section. but i still show up. i'm as ~~gullible~~ reliable as face was pretty.

so this is the thing though. i'm about tired of ads (and signs) fooling me. take this week's ads. "UPSCALE GARAGE SALE". yes. in caps. and then there was "AND MUCH MORE!" also in caps. both of those sales were not what they wrote. and on top of that, at the latter garage sale, donnafriend had the audacity to say to me, "look over there. there's *much more* on that table." psh. ~~and of course, like a buffoon, i looked.~~ like i could fall for that.

and then there are the signs that people forget to take down. or the signs that belong to the people who pack everything up early. or the signs that say "HUGE YARD SALE" (again with the caps). i tell donnafriend every week that one day, i'm gonna lose it and jump out of the car and kick one of those signs down. well folks. this was the week.

except it went more like this. donnafriend was at a stop sign and i unlocked the door. but then the road cleared and she yelled at me not to jump out. so i did the next best thing. i rolled down the window and threw a corn nut at the sign. take that!

also. as i recall, improvising was the a-team's specialty.

(pictured are a few great finds available in vintage umbrella on etsy.)

do flamingos even have elbows? doesn't matter. i'm sure they can't swim.

2010-04-29T21:32:00.004-04:00

there's this causeway in town. it's reinforced concrete with a vertical clearance of 55 feet. and while i have no idea what that means, i can tell you're impressed.

anyway. people run it. at least, that's what i hear. i had never run the thing. until last weekend. and i did that because i'm pretty much senile.

so the flamingo 5k run was this past saturday. and i woke up early to meet vanessafriend and carriefriend so we could all lock arms and run together. also. the back-up plan was for them to jump in the river after me if someone elbowed me off the bridge. you laugh. but it's true.

i can't wait until my girls are in their mid 30s. just so i can say something like. when i was your age, i ran up the hill both ways in the pouring rain while wearing snow shoes. of course, there was no rain that day and i didn't wear snow shoes. that day.

34:33 was my d-tag time. heh. listen to me sounding all technical. i should add that into my "up the hill both ways" talk. something like. and we had to use the sun to approximate what time it was, too.

and you know what else? last night, i had 11 hours of sleep. i just thought i'd throw that in with this post. mainly because it's as much of an accomplishment as not falling off the causeway (or rolling down it).

i bet people would stand in line to buy her audio book. mainly because i'd force them to.

2010-04-27T21:12:00.004-04:00

this is a "step into reading - ready to read" book. no. it's not mine. but i can read it just fine.

li'l tot completed this book today. she read it. and i don't mean she made up a bunch of words like she normally does. like one time. she was reading a book to me. and she was all "then the pig went to the house and ate bacon with his foot". or something like that.

nope. what i'm saying is she read the whole book. i mean. we've been working hard at it for a week now. and sure. she takes cues from pics (and my awesome side notes aka drawing hints). but still. she just turned five! i'm so proud of her.

also. this is a sweet book. about bugs. there's no mention of pigs eating bacon (or people).

it's almost as if this week is all about me. or not about me at all. or anything.

2010-04-26T18:56:00.003-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. today's theme is "do what ever you want because you deserve it and no one's gonna say anything about it anyway unless they noticed that you missed last week's mtm but probably no one noticed. what a sad life you lead". at least. that's what i got from "no theme".

dude. can i just say. that was a hard theme. but i think i did pretty well with wonton soup. fried calamari on a bed of greens. m&m cookies. chocolate covered prunes. and a danimals yogurt drink. also. only i could come up with a combination like that.

baby hardly ate anything. she had just woken up from her nap and all she wanted was the drink. li'l tot ate it all. and then proceeded to eat baby's tin. and she counted all the wontons she ate, too. she was all. one tong. two tong. three tong. etc. and please note. when i say "all", i don't mean the greens. don't nobody eat greens in this house! that's an observation, not a direct order.

check out the other muffin tins on muffin tin mom's linky list. and while you're there, throw a suggestion or two at her. she's looking for upcoming themes. i bet if she gets enough "let's do a theme based on wendiwinn", she'd go for it. maybe.

she's a laday. whoa whoa whoa. a laday. and she doesn't like p0rn.

2010-04-24T20:22:00.009-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: men and their vintage.

it's no secret. when i'm out doing my garage sale thing, i'm looking for awesome finds. most of which are vintage. my eyes can spot a tea cup a mile a way. and i can see clip-on earrings as soon as i step out of the car. and don't even get me started on deviled egg dishes.

but these things. i'm thinking they're all girly stuff. and that's okay. because see. i'm a lady. i like that stuff. i say please and thank you. and i cross my legs. sure, i may yell at slow drivers when i'm trying to get to the next sale, but i never stick my middle finger up at them. ~~i just give them the throat-cut gesture.~~

so yesterday. i saw something i've never seen before at a garage sale. a brand new. never opened. vintage. playb0y. with farrah fawcett on the cover. and i was like. "um. seriously? blech." and the guy was like. "yeah! it's farrah!" and i was like. "dude. don't talk to me. you're a grossy mcgrossamous p0rn hoarder." except i didn't say the last line.

because again. i'm a lady. i just walked away and washed my hands of the place. well. wiped. you know. with my diaper wipes. like fifty times. also. i need to start carrying bleach for my eyes. or at least a piece of fake vomit to throw on items like that.

(pictured is my vintage a&j (pat. oct 9, 1923) hand egg beater. it's so well oiled. it turns so well. and it makes a pretty sound. though donnafriend did tell me to please stop. i didn't.)

my husband and i tried for eight years to have a baby. man. i miss those days. take what you will out of that statement.

2010-04-22T00:12:00.002-04:00

today is my oldest daughter's birthday. and yesterday, we had a very intense conversation in the car that went like this.

me: you know how old you're gonna be tomorrow?
li'l tot: five!
me: yup. you're growing up so fast. can you stop growing, please?
li'l tot: i cannot. that's how god made us.
me: but i want you to always be my little girl.
li'l tot: i will still be your little girl. forever. and ever.

and not two hours later, we had this conversation.

me: *hugs li'l tot tightly.*
li'l tot: mommy. i need to go.
me: no.
li'l tot: but i need to go take care of my kids.

man. when they say time goes by fast, they mean it. happy birthday, li'l tot. i love you.

also. now that i've done a birthday post for li'l tot, will baby expect a birthday post, too? i mean. our conversations usually go something like.

me: mama.
baby: mama!
me: flower.
baby: flao-ver!
me: say please.
baby: kleeese.

actually, yes. let's just roll it all into one right here. baby's birthday day is june fifth. happy early birthday, baby. i love you.

multitasking is a mother's best quality.

what kind of bug is that? doesn't matter because it's about to be dead.

2010-04-21T23:57:00.003-04:00

my 16th giveaway is over. you just missed it. unless you entered.

congrats to shauna number 12! keep your eyes peeled for an awesome safe picnic value bundle coming your way (generously provided to you by ecosmart)!

what a lucky girl you are! and for those who didn't win, don't worry. i bet you win next time! yay!

wordless wednesday. except i'm going to link my giveaway at the end of the pictures.

2010-04-21T15:06:00.007-04:00

this post was brought to you by 5 minutes for mom.
also...

please enter my current giveaway that ends tonight at 11:02pm (est).

i was almost sure you could pass out on fondant. but the kids proved me wrong. it only makes you stronger. and faster.

2010-04-20T16:11:00.003-04:00

my li'l tot is turning five. on thursday. that makes me wanna lay on the cold hard tile and wait for the drool to just drain from my body. it makes me wanna hold my breath until i turn pink. (yeah. i can't hold my breath very long.) shoot. it makes me wanna bake.

and voila. behold the most awesome birthday cake ever (that i've made). bam! sadness crawls back into the magic hat with the rest of the bunnies, doves, and possibly also the animal poop.

this past weekend, we had a birthday party for li'l tot. and it was there i witnessed her eat her piece of cake. and all the fondant on it. and just when she looked like she was about to keel over, she asked for more... fondant. and then she ran around laughing like a drunk. i knew i should have added more vanilla extract to the cake. because alcohol is a depressant. and apparently, fondant is the complete opposite.

~~i wonder if i could shape fondant into pill form and sell it?~~

also. see that big empty area under the monkey? yeah. that's where li'l tot's name is. i whited it out. mainly because she didn't ask to be famous. so i won't force it on her.

sunday snippets.

2010-04-18T21:57:00.003-04:00

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

---

me: your taste buds don't work.
hubby: i know. you did it. doh! let's pray.
---

li'l tot's mfriend: heeeey! do they live in tennessee?
zoo party host: um. no. but there are interesting animals in tennessee.
---

karenfriend: i mean. i eat goat.
me: baaaaa.
karenfriend: the kind that's walking around wild.
me: you mean "free range"?
---

kimmyfriend: i'm doing it.
me: ok. go for it.
kimmyfriend: you got my back?
me: yeah. wait. wait. idk. wait. what if she yells?
kimmyfriend: well, would it be any worse than that?
---

the end. have a great week!

estate sales are the best. getting to see the garage is great. but seeing inside the house is even better. unless it smells.

2010-04-17T21:55:00.005-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: the house tried to give me lung cancer.

i've been in some scary places. like once when the garage sale was actually in a man's patio. i mean. he was nice and all. until he told me and donnafriend to "take a look in the back. i got alotta men's clothes in the back". dude. the back was through a dark narrow corridor. no thank you. cue implementation of escape plan "b". which basically means i run and leave donnafriend to fend for herself. them's the breaks.

i've also been in some malodorous houses. i remember an estate sale where the smell hit me as i just entered the open garage. i should have turned around right then. but no. ~~i'm stubborn.~~ i have an illness (yes i do. don't argue). it's called "i'm addicted to garage sales".

as i ventured further into the house, there was like a thick fog of... stink. good thing i carry a pack of diaper wipes with me. you know, to wipe my hands after each sale i visit. and to clean out my nose if necessary. and then to wipe my hands again.

so yesterday's garage sale adventures led me to an estate home that tried to kill me. i mean. it didn't pull out a knife and go *stab stab* or anything. what it did was fill my lungs with second hand something or other that reeked of cigarette smoke.

i coughed non-stop as i walked through the whole house. all three bedrooms. and two baths. kitchen, living room, etc. i wasn't about to let some house deter me from checking out the goods just because it threatened me with lung cancer. psh. no way. i told you. it's a sickness. plus. i held my breath 92% of the time.

and when i got out to my car, i used about half my package of diaper wipes. hands, nose, hands, nose, nose, nose, nose, hands.

(pictured is my vintage taylor smith taylor pine cone (pattern name unknown) dinnerware service for eight. found at a local estate sale. coordinating large plates (unmarked) used as chargers found at a separate local garage sale.)

ps. please enter my giveaway. i could have used some for the stink.

mr. miyagi isn't the only natural bug killer around. aka giveaway 16.

2010-04-14T15:00:00.014-04:00

THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER.
THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER.
THIS GIVEAWAY IS OVER.

i've never really been fond of bugs. especially the ones that bite. or crawl. or fly. or are basically alive. wait. i take that last part back. the pretty ones are okay. mainly because they're... pretty.

it just seemed like a great fit when i was contacted by ecosmart to review pesticide solutions from their 100% organic "green" product line (that includes home and garden pest control). add in the "safe" seal (safe around children and pets) as well as florida adopting the mosquito as the state bird and the ant as the state animal, and i was all in. i was set and looking forward to killing bugs, naturally. and naturally.

right before easter, there was an egg hunt. li'l tot managed to fill her basket to the top. and when we went home to sort out all the goodies, we found an infiltrated egg. i don't know if chocolate ants are tasty. but i can tell you. if they're moving around, i'm not gonna try them.

i whipped out my special natural home pest control spray. i read the bottle. "works fast - kills on contact." and. there was a picture of an ant with a cross line through it. perfect. after a couple sprays, i waited. it took about ten to fifteen minutes for the ants to stop dancing.

the scent was nice. i wanna say like eucalyptus and peppermint. but if not sprayed in a well ventilated area, the smell can be overwhelming and strong. i'm thinking with the windows open and a couple sprays here and there, it'd make for a great air freshener, too. leaving a bottle right by the toilet might be a good idea. you know. because (1) i've seen ants near toilets. and (2) number two.

the next product i tested was the insect repellent. the perfect opportunity came up this past weekend when we went camping. so when evening time came along and my family was ready to enjoy the scenes, i sprayed my girls (both toddlers). and then i thought it'd be a great idea to spray the right side of my body and leave the left side alone. but then a better idea hit me: spray myself completely and leave my hubby ~~exposed like a buffet at a dieting mosquito convention~~ unprotected.

no bites on my girls. and no bites on me. two bites on my hubby.

now before you go feeling sorry for him, lemme tell you. he knew what he was doing. the insect repellent smelled (though different) just as nice as the home pest spray. and he didn't want to smell "girly".

but hey now. it could have been a fluke that he was the only one bitten. so a couple days later, i went ahead and sprayed only the right side of my body. wouldn't you know it. a dern mosquito got me. on my left side. so what that means is ecosmart works for me. and probably it will for you, too.

and that brings me to my giveaway. one lucky reader will receive a "safe picnic value bundle" generously provided by ecosmart.

the safe picnic value bundle includes one 24oz home pest control spray bottle. one 14oz flying insect killer can. two 6oz insect repellent bottles.

this giveaway is only open to usa residents (except for alaska and hawaii). sorry. no overseas entries. your exotic location is just too much for me to handle thereby making you ineligible. i still like you so much.

if you do live in the contiguous states, all you have to do to enter is:

leave a comment telling me why you want the value bundle. this is the only mandatory step and it gives you one entry.
if you blog about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the blog link. your blog post must link back to this giveaway post. once the post is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once.
if you twitter about this giveaway, leave a separate comment with the twittered link. your tweet must link back to this giveaway post. and it should also include my twitter username "@wendiwinn". once the tweet is verified, you'll have one more entry. this step is optional and can only be completed once. (if you don't have twitter - and if you're my friend on facebook - i'll accept this entry as a link on your wall.)
leave a safe way for me to contact you. if i can't contact you, you can't win.

so go ahead and play. win this awesome bundle from ecosmart and on wednesday, april 21, 2010 at 11:03pm est, i will use the random number generator to select the winner. giveaway winner must reply to my contact within two days. otherwise, i will visit the random number generator again.

and now for the fine print. it's more small print than fine. contest starts as soon as this is posted. it ends at 11:02pm on wednesday, april 21, 2010 est. one entry per person - unless you participate in the optional additional steps. in that case, you'll get a maximum of three entries. if you do not follow the rules, i may still publish your comment (but not until the giveaway is over). it just won't count as an entry. psh, i'm tough. chances of winning depend on the number of entries. raise your chances of winning by not telling anyone. lower your chances by telling everyone you know. this contest is open to you - whether i know you or not. this is my 16th giveaway. if i have a positive response, i'll have more giveaways to bring you back. if i don't have a positive response, i'll still have more giveaways to bring you back. by entering this giveaway, you agree to abide by the rules i've stated or not stated. and i can change the rules whenever i please. it's a woman's prerogative. this is a review in conjunction with a giveaway. i received the mentioned items complimentary and specifically for review. i did not receive anything else - monetary or otherwise. i was not required to write a positive review. this lovely post you just read is comprised of my own personal opinions. i say what i want, yo. and please note. my kind of camping is in an rv on disney property. i don't do rugged unless someone is carrying me.

the special occasion was she likes me best.

2010-04-13T20:40:00.003-04:00

after dinner tonight, my hubby and i just kinda sat at the table and hung out. and then i was like. "oh, something smells so good!" and then he was all like. "uh. i don't know what you're smelling. but i don't think it's supposed to smell good." yeah. i pretty much left the conversation at that.

and anyway. it was my flowers. my sweet scented flowers given to me by my dear friend carrie. ordered from a real live florist! and delivered in a cute little van! i love fresh flowers! they make me exclaim! double!!

also. i told my hubby that it was nice to get flowers every once in a while. he agreed and told me he'd talk to carrie about that.

rainbows are pretty. and if you mix all the colors together, you get a murky brown. kinda like diet coke. so. still pretty.

2010-04-12T12:15:00.006-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. today's theme is "color series - rainbow".

we started out by making rainbow milk. i found this video on youtube and was totally impressed. so i thought i'd give it a whirl. the result: it was okay. the girls enjoyed it. they "ooh"ed and "ahh"ed. but it wasn't like the video. probably because we used soy milk. and apparently, 2% or skim milk works best. i mean. what can i do? we're all lactose intolerant. which pretty much makes pizza night the scariest night of the week.

for snack, the girls had veggie chips. strawberries. m&m cookies. and chocolate covered prunes. they did not drink the rainbow milk. mainly because i heard something about dish washing liquid not being edible.

they did, however, get to add a little food coloring to their own milk cup. li'l tot added "blue and red to make purple". and baby added green and yellow to make... green. and me. well. i chose ice and diet coke to make brown.

wanna see more colors? head on over to muffin tin mom and check out the other tins!

sunday snippets.

2010-04-11T21:42:00.003-04:00

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

---

li'l tot: juuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmp!
me: you're crazy.
li'l tot: i is crazy!

---

me: put your glasses on. you're gonna be buddy holly.
hubby: i don't want to be buddy holly. i wanna be grease lightning.

---

nephewj: can i go in your car with you?
me: depends. who's your favorite aunt?
nephewj: um. um. a fire ant?

---

li'l tot: daddy. i remember him. what's his name?
hubby: his name starts with the letter m. muh muh.
li'l tot: muh muh.
hubby: m. o. moe moe.
li'l tot: moe. moe. motor?
me: moses. his name is moses.
---

the end. have a great week!

i'll rip you a new one. after i use up all the old stuff.

2010-04-10T01:52:00.002-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: protecting your goods.

it's always a good thing to bring along packing paper. you don't want your fancy items to crack. wrapping up your breakables is a smart idea because you never know when ~~your~~ some random person's rampant driving could cause your items to shift.

sometimes you run into a huge find (like a gorgeous rare pine cone adorned full service set for eight. pshyeah. thank you very much). and having something to wrap it in brings peace of mind. which is why i have this amazing bulman vintage country store paper cutter bolted to the top of my back trunk. dude. it's like when the wind blows, the paper gets picked up and it totally mimics a super hero's cape.

asking price for the awesome cutter was ten dollars. and i knew this was a steal. but still. if i'm gonna to rob someone, i'm gonna do it right. so i ripped off some paper to test it. and then i was all... "it works nicely. but um. it's short about six inches of paper now. how about seven dollars?"

voila. i'm flying faster than a garage sale hand on its way to a fifty cent portrait of (insert your favorite president here).

you know you have a hit when you can sing the same words over and over. and over. and over.

2010-04-09T01:29:00.003-04:00

at 3:56, he kinda shakes his head a little. it's clear he's tired of repeating the same lyrics like a million times in a row. too bad, andy. your fans want what they want. sizzle.

also. i have those exact same slacks. got them on sale for $35 at banana republic a couple months ago. repeat sizzle.

this post is brought to you in cooperation with "get your freak on friday" hosted by tristan over at "the transient pod". pick a song and get your groove on over there.

a challenge to the death. or at least until some sort of sugar coma which may involve pink sticky drool.

2010-04-08T01:19:00.004-04:00

i have pre-diabetes. i force myself to maintain a good glucose level through exercise and proper dieting. which means i run ~~whenever there's nothing on tv~~ several times a week. and i stay away from sugar as much as possible. except. there are some circumstances that call for sweets. for example, being challenged to shove as much bubble tape as possible into my mouth.

my friend amber thought it'd be fun to tag me in the above mentioned endurance test. psh. i'd never heard of anything so ridiculous and disgusting. so obviously, i accepted. especially after amber made it (chewing twelve feet of the gum - please direct your raunchy comments about my friend's mouth on her post) look so easy.

1. i bought three packages of bubble tape. six feet each.
2. i opened the first package. dude. this stuff is so soft. i kept petting it.
3. my plan was pretty simple. i cut the gum into small segments thinking it'd be easier to cram individual pieces into my mouth.
4. the first piece was way too easy.
5. by the time i had ten pieces in my mouth, i decided the whole process of cutting the gum was lame. plus. i needed to focus my energy on chewing.
6. i forced myself to chew six feet of the stuff. my finger kept the gum from oozing out of my mouth. unfortunately, it did nothing for the drool.
7. six feet of chewed up bubble gum looks like a pig. but only if you purposely mold it to look like one.

so that's it. a mere six feet in my mouth. plus about a gallon of saliva. probably a spittoon would have helped. and i'm thinking i know two people who could use an excuse to buy one. so i challenge tristan (the transient pod) and dee (barefoot bath and body) to chew as much bubble tape as you can.

also. i am free from fault should any injury occur whilst participating in this lunacy. good luck!

luck be a lady tonight. my friend put that song in my head weeks ago. and it's finally become relevant. still makes me wanna scream, though.

2010-04-06T14:10:00.002-04:00

yes. this is a rusted ball mount. i'm not even exactly sure how the thing works. all i know is my hubby can attach a trailer to it. and the trailer doesn't fall off. but if we're not hauling a trailer, the mount just sits on the back of the rv enjoying the ride.

also. i know that it's good to have in case of a fender bender. because on sunday, some lady tried to run us over with her purple mazda. first, i have a flair for the dramatic. second, what really happened was the lady just barely tapped us.

unfortunately for her, she ran into the hitch first. plus. add in the fact that we're a bit bigger than her. and what you get is a fine looking rv driving away from a sedan with a funny shaped dent in the middle of its front bumper.

thank you, rusted hitch, for going over and beyond the call of duty. you make me happy. also. you could use a cleaning. and maybe a tetanus booster, too.

please note. the cars and their colors were not changed to protect anyone's identity. i tell it like it is. the lady was lucky we didn't call the cops. because we could have. and then she'd be in trouble with her over-sized drink and small bladder. but we'd be all fine with our food and potty - two things i don't share with anyone.

just call me wonder mom. and then we can both have a good laugh. which is a work out in itself. and enough to justify a nap.

2010-04-05T15:00:00.003-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. there is no theme for today. (other than the "we had a really busy spring break last week so let's just stay in our pajamas today and vegetate - drool is optional" theme.)

for breakfast, we had strawberries on a bed of green sprinkles. rolled ham. and mini heart shaped pancakes.

at some point later on, i do plan on getting the girls (and myself) dressed appropriately. but not until about 4:55pm. you know. right before my hubby comes home. i won't brush my hair, though. i gotta make him think i worked hard. of course, he might see through that plan when he realizes the house is a mess and there's no dinner. no worries. that's what these are for. *points to ~~bosom~~ leftovers while putting a swiffer in li'l tot's hands*.

let's find out if any of the other muffin tin moms are still in their pajamas. probably they're all dressed and their houses are perfect. overachievers.

how to make a layered fondant cake for the first time. this is not a real tutorial. but it could be if you used your imagination.

2010-03-31T17:39:00.009-04:00

i've never made a layered cake before. nor have i worked with fondant. and last night, my hubby had a late meeting. expected arrival time home - 10:00pm. so obviously, last night seemed the perfect opportunity to tackle my baking urges. and i did just that. in between my girls' crying and screaming, i made a cake. also. i cried and screamed a little bit, too. it just seemed appropriate at the time.

what follows next is an account of my experience. written in tutorial formation. feel free to use it as a rough guide. ~~also. that's what he said.~~

step one. gather your stuff. seeing's how i didn't have the right tools for cake baking or fondant rolling, i went out and purchased a couple items. add in my ocd and... voila. almost everything is the same brand. and/or color coordinated.

what you see here is:
- 20in fondant rolling pin (with rings.)
- roll and cut mat
- 13in angled spatula
- fondant smoother
- cake leveler
- pack of 10in cake circles
- 5lb package of rolled fondant

what you don't see in the picture is:
- two 9in cake pans
- boxed cake mix (follow directions on box. or wing it. whatever. i'm not your momma.)
- stuff to make buttercream icing (see actual recipe below.)
- food coloring
- cookie cutters
- paint brush

do you need all this stuff? psh. i have no idea. but i used it all. well. all except the cake leveler. that thing did not want to work for me. so i used my 8in calphalon bread knife instead. the ability to improvise is what makes me so awesome. also. i'm aware that a bread knife is what people usually use. but just let me soak in the moment.

step two. make your cakes.

step three. select a cake for your lower level. this cake should be the strongest. because it has to hold so much weight. usually, the strongest cake is either cake. because they're both the same. level out your lower cake. eat the crumbs.

step four. make your icing. i like buttercream icing.

the recipe i use is:
- 1 pkg (16oz) powdered sugar
- 1/2 c (1 stick) softened butter
- 3 tbs milk
- 2 tsp vanilla extract

combine all items and mix well. i usually add in a little extra vanilla. like. a gallon. that stuff is good. it burns going down. but only if you drink it straight. i don't recommend you do that. unless you're me.

step five. ice your cake in between and all over. i covered my cake circle with foil. and then added a dollop of icing in the middle before placing my lower level cake on it. that prevented the cake from moving. don't use mod podge. or any glue. let's just say (for argument's sake) that glue is inedible.

step six. sprinkle your mat with powdered sugar. resist the urge to pile the sugar into evenly split lines.

step seven. measure your cake to determine the amount of fondant needed. there is no picture for this step. so stop refreshing. measure the height. double it. add that number to the top diameter of the cake. then. add two. that gives you the diameter needed for your rolled fondant. knead your fondant well. then roll out your fondant, lifting it as you roll. (my cake was 3in high. diameter was 9in. add 2in. total is 17in. so, i rolled my fondant out to a diameter of 17in - with about 1/4" thickness.)

your arms will ache. and you'll start to doubt the whole process. but that will pass once you get the fondant rolled out. and. the next time you wear a strapless dress, your arms will thank you. that statement does not apply to men.

step eight. lift the fondant with the rolling pin and in one quick graceful move, plop it on to the cake. smooth it out using the (i bet you can't guess it) fondant smoother. if you have any air bubbles, you can take a pin and at an angled position, poke them out.

step nine. trim the excess fondant at the bottom of the cake. i used my handy dandy chicago cutlery partoku knife. also. this part was not easy. nor was it pretty.

step ten. prepare your decorative fondant. grab some excess fondant and add some coloring. knead it well. i suggest using gloves. and lots of powdered sugar. then roll it out.

step eleven. cut out your fondant shapes.

step twelve. decorate your cake. brush a light coat of water onto the back of your fondant shapes and adhere them to your cake. use some sort of system to do this. mainly because the whole "being random" thing doesn't always work. i'm browning ground beef for my spaghetti sauce as i write this post. see?

step thirteen. do something about the crooked bottom. roll a line of fondant and adhere it to the bottom of the cake to cover up the ugly. or use icing. or flowers. or anything. because the jagged bottom edges just keep mocking you. taking another swig of vanilla extract at this point is acceptable.

step fourteen. step back and admire your cake. remember to take lots of pictures because if this is your first layered fondant cake (like it was mine), it might just very well be your last, too.

and that's it. pretty simple, huh? thanks for reading my "just enough information to get you through it (maybe)" semi-tutorial post.

ps. special thanks to my friends kimmy kim kim and tristan for their tips, support and encouragement through this process. you both make excellent assistants. to the manager.

contrary to popular belief, my dining room table centerpiece is not a suckling pig hugging a can of spam.

2010-03-30T17:15:00.004-04:00

there's a lot of history here. time stands still. beauty portrayed in simplistic design. that's what i tell folks about my centerpiece. but when i'm asked to elaborate on the details of each piece, i just shrug. because dude. i don't know anything. all i know is i will drop kick anyone who tries to touch it.

except for chuck norris. it'd take a couple head-butts to knock him out.

les petits enfants et leurs aliments français sophistiqués. i hope the online translator really works. also. i don't remember what that means.

2010-03-29T14:58:00.007-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. today's theme is "color series - blue".

my friend and her family (including her two older boys who are pretty close to my girls) recently moved. far away. really really far. like. 35 minutes away. i know, right? she might as well have moved to france (which, by the way, is what i've been calling the area where she lives because again, it's so so far). nevertheless, we visited her and the boys today for a play date.

i offered to provide muffin tin lunches. and because of their locale, lunch obviously had to be french cuisine. sort of. i mean. all the foods can be found in france. so i figure that counts.

the kids had blue candy. blueberries. yogurt with blue sprinkles. organic blue corn chips. and chicken cordon bleu - deconstructed. which is basically chicken nuggets, string cheese, and rolled ham. i know. you're struck frozen by my awesomeness. i should have totally warned you to prepare yourself.

we all had a great time hanging out. and li'l tot even picked up some french. she kept saying oui oui! of course, i realized when she stepped into the bathroom that she really was saying wee wee. eh. potatoes, potahtoes, pommes de terre.

wanna check out more muffin tin meals? no need to drive 35 minutes away. heck. no need to drive anywhere at all. just click on the link and you'll be magically transported. yeah. just like on star trek. except. you probably won't disintegrate.

sunday snippets.

2010-03-28T20:50:00.004-04:00

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

---

me: wanna run with me?
hubby: how far is it?
me: 5k.
hubby: how far is that?

me: 3.1 miles.

hubby: *raises eyebrows.*
me: what? that's like the littlest race there is.
hubby: where is it?
me: over the causeway.
hubby: *raises eyebrows. flares nostrils.*
me: you know. why don't you just stay home with the kids.
hubby: *nods head.*

---

me: do you want more liver cheese?
li'l tot: gimme the fat part, momma. i'm gonna exercise tonight.

---

hubby: it takes a lot to kill you.
me: what does that mean?
hubby. *laughs.* i said that on purpose. is that a snippet?
me: you say things on purpose just to get into snippets!

hubby. it's fun.
---

the end. have a great week!

an apple a day, keeps the doctor away. does that include psychiatrists? i'll take the whole fruit basket just in case. the garage sale chronicles.

2010-03-27T13:41:00.006-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: seventeen dollars is less than my copay.

i'm all about the bargains. like. i'm all about the beautiful teal enamel colander i bought for a quarter. and i'm all about the dainty deviled egg dish i found for fifty cents. and no doubt, i'm all about the aged shoe valet (with attached foot pedal) i snatched up for two and a quarter.

but yesterday, i was all about the fruit. plastic and fabric. i spent the most money i've ever spent on a single item. and it was totally worth every dollar. also. i haven't completely lost my mind. i was able to bring it down to seventeen from twenty.

plus. it's not perishable. unlike the rotten shredded coconut and melted chocolate that one lady tried to sell me for nine bucks. also. that experience left me germ-x-ing my hands twice.

(li'l tot took my picture. she did such a good job. i didn't even think she could hold the camera what with it being bigger than her head.)

that ain't no train comin'.

2010-03-26T00:26:00.004-04:00

chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga. nnnnnrrrrrr. bomp. chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga. bomp bomp bomp. chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga. bomp bomp bomp. chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga chuga. bomp bomp bommmmmm.

hey. look over there! *sucker punch.*

this post is brought to you in cooperation with "get your freak on friday" hosted by tristan over at "the transient pod". if you wanna play, all you have to do is post a song that gets you jivin'. and then add your link on tristan's blog. go ahead. knock yourself out.

when has winning ever been uncool? never. that's when.

2010-03-25T10:40:00.008-04:00

i made the front page of etsy.

don't go look now. it's over. i only get like fifteen minutes of fame there. or maybe thirty.

good thing my imaginary fame lasts much longer. pretty much like forever.

also. my 15th giveaway (sponsored by the ever so generous csn stores - thank you!) ended last night. if you didn't play, you're not gonna win. sorry about that. but you can still congratulate the winner who just so happens to be...

can't read it? lemme help you. it's says a. wolfe. as in. hungry like the wolf. as in. she wrote "i'm looking forward to winning the beautiful knife and cutting board." seriously. if she says "i'm looking forward to knocking you out", you should run. because this girl can predict better than dionne warwick. congrats, a!

if you played but didn't win, don't worry. i bet you win next time!

rick & bubba's big honkin' book of grub. by rick & bubba (obviously). a review by me.

2010-03-24T19:54:00.003-04:00

no matter what it sounds like, rick & bubba's big honkin' book of grub is not a cookbook. it's more a collection of personal preferences and "rules". like. possibly butter counting as a vegetable.

there's a bit of humor mixed in with sarcasm. and then there's five pages discussing spam. so with that, you'd think this book was perfect for me. alas. no.

the print is large and easy to read. and the chapters are relevant to the book's own style. the substance, however, is lacking. there's a lot of talk. blah blah blah i like food blah blah blah eat now crunch crunch. the thing is. the authors are radio personalities. and actually, if they read their book on air, it'd do much better. because on print, it's a fail.

there are 23 recipes included in this book. i wish there had been 203. mainly because the book is 206 pages long. please note i have not yet tried out any of the recipes. so the review excludes taste. sort of.

great guys. the book, not so much.

ps. i received this complimentary book from thomas nelson publishers - specifically for review. i did not receive anything else - monetary or otherwise. i was not required to write a positive review. and. this lovely post you just read is comprised of my own personal opinions. i say what i want, yo.

i have to be careful not to pick the eyes out.

2010-03-23T10:24:00.003-04:00

this is my wallet. i stuffed a bunch of quarters in it so that it'd look full. now it's really heavy. but it's still pretty. except for the dried gravy crust on the side. that part is just delicious.

also. i know you're desperately looking for the gravy. it's on the green strip. all the way to the side. right above the owl.

the kids are drumming in the background. wait. now one is crying. ah. the sounds of spring.

2010-03-22T10:22:00.005-04:00

it's muffin tin monday. there was no theme today. so of course, i was lost. i asked my ever so reliable friend kimmy kim kim what i should do. and she suggested spring. what a great idea. of course, probably i should have asked her what spring foods are because i have no idea.

we've got a flower corn bread muffin, eggs with soy sauce, danimals yogurt drink, and a mix of cheerios.

i buy four boxes of cheerios at a time and i mix them all together. what you see is multi-grain, chocolate, banana nut, and honey nut. but you probably don't care about that. you're still stuck on the whole "eggs with soy sauce" part.

what can i say? we're asian. soy sauce goes on a lot of foods. but i do draw the line when it comes to certain items like when li'l tot asked for "pancakes and soy sauce" this morning. waffles, yes. but pancakes? no way. also. i jest about the waffles thing.

let's see if any muffin tin moms had a breakfast similar to mine. meaning. moms who used ketchup on their foods. after all. soy sauce is the asian man's ketchup. soy sauce as the asian man's syrup is still pending.

ps. have a go at my giveaway! everyone can use a knife and cutting board!

sunday snippets.

2010-03-21T15:31:00.003-04:00

random snippets from the past week. because life happens. i know. i live it.

---

me: you wanna watch celtic women?
hubby: here. i'll show you celtic man. *does a riverdance jig.*
me: great. go get me the recorder so i can record you.
hubby: i don't think so.

---

me: *swerves the car.*
li'l tot: what happened momma?
me: i saw a garage sale sign.
li'l tot: well go get it!

---

hubby: stop touching my axillary!

---

the end. have a great week!

chez brocante. the garage sale chronicles.

2010-03-20T18:09:00.003-04:00

these are my garage sale chronicles. sometimes i talk about rules. sometimes i talk about finds. but mostly i'm just interested in looking inside people's garages.

today: how much for chopped onions?

you know how sometimes you'll walk up to a garage sale and there'll be a little kid there waiting with a cooler full of bottled water? well i do. and once in a while, i'll buy a bottle. because the kid will look so desperate to make money just so he can buy back the g.i. joe doll his mom put up for sale.

well lately, there's been a new trend. hot dogs. um. yeah i'm serious. dude. you can tell me they're all beef, plump and kosher. but it still won't matter. i ain't buyin' my lunch from you. i'll make an offer on the tongs you're using and that's as far as it's gonna go.

house one today: sold out of 62 hot dogs.
house two today: had 12 hot dogs left. offering free chips.
house three today: selling chewing gum samples. in a ziploc bag. they probably heard about the toppings being offered at house one and two.

i need to find a fake badge and walk around with tickets claiming to be the health inspector. also. i'd probably take a hot dog for free as a bribe.

(pictured is a few pieces from a thirty-one piece set of melissa & doug play foods. the only type of food i'll buy at a garage sale. one dollar.)

ps. have you entered my giveaway? cut real food with a partoku.

if somebody calls me young grasshopper one more time...

2010-03-19T16:57:00.004-04:00

so. kung fu. krumping. is there really a difference? not when you're in a music video with a fat panda bear. man. i love this song. and yeah. i'm a little bit jealous that i can't dance like those kids.

this post is brought to you in cooperation with "get your freak on friday" hosted by tristan over at "the transient pod".

ps. did you enter my giveaway yet?

they're given to me. i don't ask for them. i mean. sometimes i do. but not this time.

2010-03-18T15:46:00.003-04:00

it's time for another awards post. but this time, i'm doing something a little bit different. see. i got to thinking. awards are no small potatoes. so. what i've got right next to me is the finest drink available in this house. which means i'm sipping on "welch's sparkling red grape juice cocktail (non-alcoholic)". watered down. in a plastic cup. can't fake this sort of classiness. cheers.

first up. the "sunshine award". you're about to be blinded because this award was given to me by not one - but two - bloggers. word. apparently, i'm the sunshine of vanessa's (much more than mommy) blogging life. and. according to leanne (my home and my hips are both double wide), i'm a strange bird that gets a little scary when armed. or something like that. idk. that's the version i like.

i now pass this award on to:

- the husailey bunch - because it's like watching the brady bunch all over. only. better and not corny.

- olive street studio - because she needed a little extra sunshine this week.

the next award i received is from kayli of beauty from ashes. it's the "beautiful blogger" award. with this award, i'm supposed to state seven things about myself. but there were no specifics on the seven things. so.

1. my name is winn.
2. i like to rap.
3. i like to eat cheese.
4. but it makes me cra-cra-cra (fade out).
5. sometimes i wish i were a song writer.
6. i definitely shouldn't write cards for hallmark.
7. i'm still drinking my sparkling red grape juice cocktail non-alcoholic.

i now pass this award on to:
- the empty nest - because. well. just go see the aprons she's made.
- jenny matlock - because she's beautiful. and she'll always be so. even if she runs into her husband's ex.

i also received the "you make the camera dance" blog award. bestowed upon me by kimmy kim kim of a parent's life to behold, through the eyes of insanity and bliss. she said that i dazzle my readers and that my posts come to life. then she mentioned something about me setting trends and break trends and running for president. of her fan club.

i now pass this award on to:
- the transient pod - because she asked me to dance. and i declined. so. this is as good as it gets.
- my home and my hips are both doublewide - because from the sound of her blog title, i'm betting she can shake it.

- mommy's heart - because i've seen her do the running man.

ok. this is where things get a little tricky. well. more like tricked out. because i made my own award. it's the "i'd follow you even if i were lost" award. this one goes out denise of teddy started it. she made me an award once. (it's mine and i'm not sharing.) and i thought it'd be fun to make her one. i know she's a fan of lost. but the thing is. i've never seen the show. and she mentioned that she found one of the actors to be ~~deliciously hawt~~ quite talented. i hope it's this guy. because he's the one i put on the award.

thank you my friends. i am honored and humbled. and obviously, awesome.

and now that all the awards have been mentioned, i have one more item on my list to take care of. i was tagged. not as in morgue toe. but as in list some stuff. christy from princess christy wants me to list ten things that make me happy. and here they are (in no particular order).

1. me.
2. you.
3. me and you.
4. dwight schrute.
5. not pam.
6. running.
7. not running.
8. food.
9. more food.
10. my family.

and that's a wrap. if you were given an award, please collect it by clicking on it. this will open a new page allowing you to take your award. if you were not given an award, your time will come. unless i don't receive anymore to give out. peace.

wendiwinn - she likes stuff

today we're getting sauced and promoting bladder wellness. all at the same time. <--- that's how rockin' homeschool moms do it.

we have annual passes to disney. and well frankly, public school was putting a damper on that.

i wrote this all by myself. but i didn't understand it until i used the translator.

i can improvise like a mother. and i announce the winner to my giveaway. and i make one (maybe) last plea for votes.

i took a simple trip to kentucky. i was so mad at the po-po for taking the best parking spots.

gogo squeez is apple sauce. not physical exertion. want to win a book? i change subjects quickly when i sense an onset of uncomfortable silence.

i took a simple trip to kentucky. i'm going to tell you about all the fun i had. but first, let me find my goji berries.

sometimes i get scared and jump out of the water because i think i see sharks. and that's just in my pool.

my children love summer crafts. it gives them a break from the homework i'm making them do. close your mouth.

the bad news is: i ate cheese. the good news is: my tummy is fine. the bad news is: i don't think it was actually cheese.

pig dinosaurs did too exist. and they used to fly. that's where the saying came from.

sunday snippets.

the last time i saw michael vartan doll, he had a raisin on his butt. i hope it was a raisin.

sugar and spice and everything nice. that's what little girls are made of. as long as you stuff them with said items.

what happens at a princess half-marathon hopefully always stays at a princess half-marathon.

i'm like 79 degrees. in florida, that's cool. in angles, it's idk. geometry was not my best subject.

this isn't a "new year's resolutions/year in review" post. but i do mention my addiction to veronica mars. she's so cool. kidney stones are not.

even my own family thinks i'm chinese. and just for the record, i'm not.

i'm just gonna call this what it is: giveaway winner post. well now. that was refreshing.

earrings increase your iq by thirty percent. this hasn't been scientifically proven, but why take the chance. aka giveaway 20.

despite my absence lately, the news of me touring with willie nelson is all rumor. same goes for whatevs you heard about me getting my cheeks lifted.

watch out sleeping beauty, there's a train coming.

that was a long time ago. you'll see what i mean.

if real wheels were made out of cucumbers, we wouldn't get very far.

idaho. the state. not the derogatory comment associated with street walkers.

there's really no telling if all my toes are in the right spots. or even if i have all my toes.

is it really *so* odd that i have a bar of soap for different parts of my body?

a princess doesn't waste her time eating veggies. especially when the queen won't even prepare them.

sunday snippets.

i don't like the beach because of the sand. so it obviously makes sense for me to buy sand by the bag.

it used to take me a minute to run the numbers online. but noooooo. i had to get all fancy. still. forty-five minutes of prep work is so worth it.

finally. world domination is so close i can smell it. or. it could be the sauce i have simmering.

i think i'm talking to one of the little guys on my shoulder. unfortunately, it's my left shoulder.

does this fabric make my butt look fat?

sunday snippets.

and boy do i ever have a nickname for that grandma.

i cleaned out the laundry room. not to be confused with "i cleaned the laundry room". nor with "i did the laundry".

someday my prints will come. now that's a song worth teaching my girls. aka giveaway 19.

i remember my prom night like it was three nights ago.

sunday snippets.

don't be silly. of course, there's no circulation in my arm. but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to be cool.

i may have the stylings of an eighty-four year old. but watch me shake it like a polaroid.

drinks are on me. but only if i'm using them for sterilizing purposes.

if you're really quiet, you can hear the ice cream melt. if it had time to melt, that is.

a storm is coming.

it's not deja vu. it's not deja vu.

they didn't eat much of their lunch. could be all the popcorn prior to lunch made them way full. or could be the toys were very distracting.

leaving a legacy. and a lamp. unless i re-sell it.

if one of my girls ever gets a nose ring, call me. my number's tattooed on her arm. aka giveaway 18.

saddle up! and right about now i'm thinking a saddle would've actually been a good idea.

sunday snippets.

take a picture. it'll last longer. i think. i haven't purchased new film to test it out.

i'd like a substantial nest egg. that's just what came to mind when i saw today's theme.

who's on first? take a number.

you won! and you could win again! also. the "you" may or may not be different.

quick! those are the creepiest flowers i've ever seen.

sunday snippets.

desperate dimes call for desperate measures.

look up in the sky! it's a bird! it's a plane! it's my alma mater?

oh snap. werther's candies have cream in them. well that explains a lot.

victory against the french. it happened on the beach. that's my version.

they stretch to fit. unlike my jeans. aka giveaway 17.

if there's an ad, i'll answer it. like the a-team. but it better be worth my time. like the a-team.

do flamingos even have elbows? doesn't matter. i'm sure they can't swim.

i bet people would stand in line to buy her audio book. mainly because i'd force them to.

it's almost as if this week is all about me. or not about me at all. or anything.

she's a laday. whoa whoa whoa. a laday. and she doesn't like p0rn.

my husband and i tried for eight years to have a baby. man. i miss those days. take what you will out of that statement.

what kind of bug is that? doesn't matter because it's about to be dead.

wordless wednesday. except i'm going to link my giveaway at the end of the pictures.

i was almost sure you could pass out on fondant. but the kids proved me wrong. it only makes you stronger. and faster.

sunday snippets.

estate sales are the best. getting to see the garage is great. but seeing inside the house is even better. unless it smells.

mr. miyagi isn't the only natural bug killer around. aka giveaway 16.

the special occasion was she likes me best.

rainbows are pretty. and if you mix all the colors together, you get a murky brown. kinda like diet coke. so. still pretty.

sunday snippets.

i'll rip you a new one. after i use up all the old stuff.

you know you have a hit when you can sing the same words over and over. and over. and over.

is it really so odd that i have a bar of soap for different parts of my body?